I'm sorry......

Well.....
I want to apologize if my last post may have came across negative
I suppose this IS a blog so I do not need to apologize for the way I was feeling.
BUT The week didn't go very well with that attitude if you were wondering....

I WILL say i am sorry for not having the results i should have had this week.
(start here if you're confused what I'm up too please)

I actually went up a small (.05) % of body fat, barely lost any weight. (maybe a half pound), and lost muscle.

This is because I completely went off the rails this week, had some un anticipated stress, and decided to do a little bit of running sprinting......

My husband is preparing to take a HUGE plumbing test on Nov. 6th so has had classes all last week and will have some this week as well. (horrible timing!!) not to mention I was feeling REALLY down on myself this past week & couldn't sleep well (my time of the month is due any day so hormones??).

He handles this so well...=) I'm a lucky gal!!

Needless to say I was taken out of my routine of having my husband come take over for me at home with Wyatt. He would take care of him so I was not tempted to eat any "extra" food and get to sleep at a normal time or do cardio if I needed to. He wasn't able to do that this week. =( 

If you've been following me or know much about me you know I am always trying to get people to be healthier and always keeping up with ways to go about this. I've tried  I deal with staying healthy as well which is how I stumbled into this profession.

I experimented with a thing called bulimia when i was 13 years old and it has been a struggle for me to overcome since. It's embarrassing to say the least and also a topic that many people stray away from or try to hide. When I REALLY opened up about it in this blog I had an amazing response from people sharing their stories and struggles. It made me realize what a need there is for me  people to be honest, open and sincere. It also has opened my eyes to the fact that I have NOT been that open about it because I have been embarrassed and do not want anyone to think less of me (or think it works!) if i share my current struggles so I did not go into any details, there was my first mistake.


BTW.... throwing up food does NOT help to lose body fat or even lose fat and running does NOT help with burning fat either... just muscle. (hence the results this week.... blah)


WAIT WAIT WAIT? What on earth am I talking writing about!? I was TWO WEEKS (last week) from a BIKINI COMPETITION! Why on earth would i do those things when I KNOW the outcome is not what I desire?????


This past week was one of my worst weeks I've had in a LONG time with my struggle. 2 weeks before the show? How does that happen Lallenia????

I will tell you that there are SEVERAL aspects that go into play with this kind of disordered eating (obviously stress is one for me). I would LOVE to go into details about how, what, why, where, and when but I sure don't have that kind of time to talk write about all of that right now (one day I will!) & who even knows if you'd want to read it.



I could blame it on my son not wanting to eat the rest of his apple slices so I did and it triggered an episode.... or the fact my husband left the bread and PB on the counter, or the guy at scooters who bought Wyatt & I a cookie.... BUT lets be real.... it was my CHOICE, no one else can make me eat the right way(and not give into temptations) to achieve my goals or to go workout. I have to do it. People can tell me WHAT to do... its up to ME to do it or not.

I was SO close to just wanting to quit last week. I felt as if this is stupid. It's a bad time in my life. I can't do it. I'm too ugly. I don't look the part enough. My body is gross. blah blah blah. Negative self talk was all over in my head. I'm sure we've all been there and it's AMAZING to me how many times we BELIEVE that talk until it sabotages us.

 The thing i found this week that helped me tremendously that I wish I would have done the whole time (hint hint if you're one that struggles with any kind of disorder or stress).... was embrace and use my support system. I was so upset and mad at myself Friday that I finally just let it all out to one of my best friends (famous Aundrea Annin) and i felt SO much better and back on track. Though she has never dealt with this herself she knows about my past and knows this is a struggle for me, so she listened and encouraged me. Plus it just helps when you do not feel so alone in your struggles.

It REALLY helped talking to her and her coming with me to get my stage suit (I WAS NERVOUS!!!) but even after getting my suit and being told I looked good in it I was still REALLY self conscious! (stupid self image issues and negative talk!!!!)

Then there is my other best friend (WIFEY!) who is ALWAYS one of my biggest fans and supporters who has encouraged me and kept me on track. Shannon may not realize this but her coming to be here with me has also kept me more focused following through with this whole thing. She has known since i was 16 I've wanted to do something like this. This girl makes me laugh everyday and we have a game plan coming into Saturday.....

I tried the heels on the treadmill.... didn't work too well... j/k! 

Honestly if it were not for my support system (friends, family, clients, readers) I'm not sure I'd be able to finish this endeavour. I received this card this week and WOW what amazing timing! (thanks SO much Anna Marie!!!!) You have no idea how special these little things (like a hand written card, MAILED) can mean!!!!

In Conclusion: I am really sorry that I did not get the best results this week and that I have not been as open as i should have been this whole time. Had I been more open I may have NOT had so many struggles. Please learn from my mistakes if you are struggling with something. Reach out to the people that support you, love you and accept you for who you are. Then come up with a game plan to reach your (attainable) goals. If you have a bad day/week/month/year get it out in the open and keep moving forward. That's my plan.

Goals for this week:

Well my husband used our child locks on a cupboard and placed EVERYTHING that might tempt me.... even salt and honey lol in there and takes the key to work now.

see top right^^^

When I start getting anxious I am going to start journaling my feelings and remove myself away from food. 

I do have to do a bit of an extreme diet (i DO NOT recommend others to do) this last week and cardio.... yuck. Because I did not get the results desired. Please do not follow this & expect the same outcome as me if you do. This is only temporary for me to reach my best by Saturday from where I am now. 

My Diet is:

1.) 2 egg 3 whites, 1 cup spinach or asparagus

2.) 4oz Mahi Mahi 1 cup asparagus 

3.) 4oz  Ground beef/bison, 1/2 avocado, green bell pepper

4.) 4oz Cod, 1 cup broccoli or asparagus

5.) 4oz salmon, 1 cup asparagus or spinach or bell pepper 

6.) if still hungry 2 eggs 3 whites before bed. 

Cardio will be WALKING at 2.5-3.0mph 1 hour in the morning and one at night. Training is boot camp style and lots of Body weight. 

The crazy thing?? I started it pretty much Friday and I measured my tummy Friday morning to see how much bloat I put into my "pooch." it was at a 30.5. Sunday morning it went down to a 29.5. My waist went from 27 to 26 again IN 2 days my bloat went away. YAY! Now i have 6 more days to stay on track and look better. 

I wasn't going to post pictures this week and just say wait and see. BUT I want you to see the difference between today and then a week of following a REALLY strict  diet plan, drinking a TON of water, and doing my WALKING cardio. Not to mention being ALL dolled up & tanned!!! ;-)

Compared to last weeks  though not as drastic as it could have been... I can still see a bit of a difference! 

Especially in my back... can you believe my back pinch STILL hasn't budged since i started!? The only true way to measure progress is by pictures and the way you feel. Not by body fat pinches, or the scale. And even sometimes pictures can be annoying because it's about the way you pose each time and move your body. 

Here's LAST weeks to compare...

(My poses looked a little better from LAST week because we had to rush this morning taking the pictures.)

All righty folks that's all I got this week! I am re motivated and learning more about myself each day. Which is EXACTLY what I wanted out of all this. I know I'm not perfect and have struggles to overcome but I also know that no matter what I will NEVER give up on trying to get healthier, fitter and more fabulous every day. Even if that means failing sometimes or going backwards.... I always learn something about myself each time I do.

CHEERS to lean meats, leafy veggies, water, and cardio this week....... Next week will be the results if I fell on my face or not.... (dun dun dun.....)

Again THANKS to EVERYONE who is helping me through this!!! I love you ALL!!!!
XoXo

Keep yourself Healthy, Fit, and Fabulous!!

*Lallenia*

PS This is a GREAT post about Anna and Mia issues....weather you struggle with it or know someone who does.

http://www.soheeleefitness.com/uncategorized/a-call-to-arms-against-ana-and-mia/#more-1469