Lets Be Honest...

I am going to be completely honest here….. this is NOT fun for me right now….

I honestly do not know how people are able to do this multiple times in a year. I get the challenge of it and the discipline you need to own up to that can be rewarding. And maybe if I was not a wife and mother it would be different.

(start here if new to this little escapade...)

 I feel selfish.

 I feel like I am taking from my husband, my son, my family, my friends, my clients and my life. I know you need to take care of yourself but SERIOUSLY that doesn’t mean spending hours at the gym and ONLY cooking for yourself because your family does not want to eat dry fish and asparagus or chicken and broccoli for every meal. Then if you do TRY to cook for your family you end up ruining your diet… or a least I do! (Butternut squash never tasted so good!)
Or I have a breakdown and eat more than I should of THEIR groceries from Costco. I then beat myself up over it... No Worries. I am on a mission to find the baby lock locks we have for our cupboards in storage and making Brad take the key with him to work for the next two weeks! (Pathetic?? Um I think not)

Oh hey… yup this is the positive, encouraging Lallenia today right? Ha. Ha. Blame it on the lack of carbs FOOD.  Not that I am not eating…. I just feel hungry all day and I have been getting headaches lately. I suppose it is my body adjusting but it’s not fun.

My workouts have also been really pathetic. I do not have as much energy. Everyone is different but I like to lift heavy (for me), jump high, sprint fast, challenge myself. Not only do a set of 15 and feel exhausted. I don’t like doing a few sprints then get dizzy. I’m not a fan of NOT looking forward to working out. Right now I don’t want to workout.

 I don’t want to get up and go to the gym for fasting steady cardio then go home starving only to be able to eat eggs and 2oz of a sweet potato…. REALLY? Shoot I tried to eat 2 oz. this morning and somehow the whole 5oz ended up in my mouth…. Whoops .I guess that’s why I need to portion it out when I am not ravishing.

I miss my balance. I never thought I really had balance before. Any maybe I didn’t very well which is why I struggle with an eating disorder. So even though this really sucks it IS teaching me the value of having a BALANCE in not only dietary habits but also life in general. Its not fun obsessing over the little things and missing out on the things life is about (like running outside in beautiful weather appreciating this fall season).

Boy, do I miss running right now. Every time I see someone outside running I want to hit him or her with my car because I’m jealous. Even though I AM seeing greater results without running as far as muscle tone and strength... I miss it so much. Although, I am scared to run again because I am sure it will feel like I’m starting all over. I know I want to run at least 3-6 miles a week after this competition. Which isn’t bad compared to when I used to run 20 Plus miles a week because I thought that would get me in better shape, it definitely does NOT work that way. Running long distance i have learned only leads to having a lot of endurance (not a bad thing) and eats away at the muscle i did have (very bad if you want to be a fat burning machine).  Now I just CRAVE it for my sanity and sweat. 

It would be SO easy to quit right now. Because it IS hard. And I don't want to do this all the time. I want to go back to what was fun to me and what I enjoy...

I am sure you’re probably thinking OK Lallenia we GET IT you’re ANNOYED!! Now shut up and give us your results this week then go to bed so you’re not biting any ones head off (literally).

This week Stats:

Weight 134.4lbs (down about 2lbs from last week)

BF%: 19.07 %..... WTFlip? I wasn’t happy about only being down a quarter percent.

LBM: 108.6… urgh..... I LOST some muscle…. Not cool but to be expected

Waist is now a 26.75in (27.25in. 4 weeks ago) and my belly "love handle" bulge (measured right below my belly button) went from 34inches (6 weeks ago) to 30inches so far! Crazy (but good!!)!

My body fat didn’t go down much like I thought it would. This is because my back fat pinch isn’t changing!!!! It’s SO annoying that this is where I store my fat…. Just weird. My theory is because I hunched over a lot growing up (you JUST sat up straight right??) then have had shoulder surgery on BOTH shoulders which prevented me from using my muscles in my back for a long time. No worries, I am on a mission this week to make it go down a little bit! I will do the row machine and vertical rows like crazy.... plus my diet will be tightening up even more... If there's still no change then I don't know what to tell you.

My nutritionist told me that when you’re trying to get to a place your body has never been for the first time it’s going to be more challenging then if you’ve been there before. This makes sense. So when someone is trying to lose weight or fat the first time it’s a struggle to get it off.  Then when they do, if they steer off track it’s a lot easier for their body to gain weight again if they slip back to old habits. It’s doesn’t take as long to get there again when you’ve been there in the past. If I decided to do another show in the future it wouldn't take as long or be as hard for me to get my body fat down.

Below are the pictures i took this morning. Yes, right out of the shower, no make up on or hair done like my 4 week progress picture. I see more muscle tone this week and can tell my sides have gone down and my tummy a little bit... especially my "love handles". my arms look weird but the pinch went down a lot this week so it could be water or because they aren't "pumped up." I'll remember to do push ups before my next set of pictures =)

I know I still have a lot to do in 2 weeks!!!! 

BUT I will have to say... I think I looked better in my 4 weeks (minus my butt... that looks better this week) ! I look fuller! ...maybe its just the make up and hair done... i dunno. 

On a positive note I REALLY do LOVE everything I have been learning about the way peoples my body works. There is only SO much you can learn from the books. It’s truly the experience that makes it REAL and helps a person to REALLY  understand what is going on. I see why so many trainers do these shows &  have such successful clients. I see how people who have lost weight and kept it off are great motivators and trainers for those going through the process. It is kind of like taking marriage advice from a single person…. REALLY? Um no thank you. I'll take the couple happily married for 35 years. Experience. 

Speaking of married life…. My poor husband…. He must REALLY love me…. I know he has a lot going on in his life right now with starting his own business (www.bigbirgedrain.com) but he's trying so hard to keep me motivated and on track even when I tell him I don’t like him, that he is annoying or to not touch me (he hates this one the worst).  I really am truly blessed to have him as my other half. It also helps that I downloaded the Focus on the Family Marriage Podcast to keep me sane, entertained, and loving towards my family the best I can right now.

The take away today..... If you're in the Omaha area and need a plumber... CALL BIG BIRGE!
lol you think I'm kidding? Not at all, really please do! He's the best ;-)

These next two weeks I will be eating  am supposed to be eating:

Breakfast: 3 eggs, 2-3 oz sweet potatoes
Snack: Mahi Mahi and broccoli
Lunch: Mahi Mahi, broccoli & 12 almonds
Snack: Cod and broccoli
Dinner: 4-6 oz steak or salmon and 10 asparagus
Snack: 3 eggs

I hate LOVE my life. =) Wish me luck and a positive attitude for this week please!

 I just got these Paleo cook books I will only be able to dream about now.

Is it weird that I am craving a HUGE bowl of fruit? I don't really want anything but a HUGE edible arrangement or fruit tray right now. (even over carrot cake!!! Now That's CRAZY!)

Enough blabbing.....

Good Night World.

Keep yourself Healthy, Fit, and Fabulous!!

*Lallenia*