The Crazy Ex-Girlfriend....

Didn't I tell you in my last post it was hard to blog everyday?? 

It is... especially when your husband introduces you to Clash of Clans....... (stop laughing at me)

Now normally I am not a big TV watcher or video game player as it annoys the crap out of me and I feel like I'm wasting my life away.....

Last week I noticed my husband was on his phone more than usual (as he's normally only on it for business if people call or text). He doesn't have a Facebook account and never uses the business Instagram (even though I tell him he needs too!) 

I was feeling a little curious suspicious.... you know like the crazy girlfriend who has to know all your passwords to everything so she can check on you to make sure you aren't cheating on her right? 

Like you've never been (or had) one of those....

I didn't think my husband was cheating on me and I didn't go through his phone... I've learned from past relationships if that's something I feel I have to do he probably was is... 

Nope. I didn't go all crazy ex-girlfriend style on him (that never really panned out for me)... I simply asked what he was doing ... 

seriously... who knew talking to a guy at a normal level actually works??? (therapy must be working) 

Convo: 

Me, "Hi honey.... so what exactly are you doing on your phone all the time lately?"

Juuuuuuust kidding!!.... I REALLY said in a annoyed tone, "Why are you wasting so much time on your phone?"

His eyes lit up as he showed me the game and how awesome his village is.

I rolled my eyes and said, "you know how much stuff we could get done in the Smart Success course we are taking if you stopped wasting your time on that silly stupid game??"

A few days later he was talking about this “clan” he and some of the guys from the Big Birge Plumbing Team were in… I was feeling left out. A few days ago I decided to download it just to see what all the fuss was about.  

Then he told me our foreman said I should join their clan jokingly. Knowing I probably wouldn’t… I wanted to surprise them and join their clan so I could fit in. So I figured out how to do it and how it worked…. 

Worst. Mistake. EVER!

 As I am writing this I am nervous someone is going to “attack” my village and steal my gold!! (sigh)

I got sucked in. 

I'm embarrassed by it because it's not at all productive in any way. Although my husband will argue that, 

"It's like building our business baby. I mean look.... when you get money you upgrade your stuff and train your team to be better. Then you have to build back up again after you spend it... the cycle goes on. So one day we will have a nice big shop with the best plumbing team in Omaha if we keep investing in them." 

I guess he kind of has a point but I sure do hope we don't get attacked by other "villages" and they destroy everything we've built..... 

Anyways so yeah... that's where my blog writing time has been spent....... I'm sorry I feel like I've been cheating on you. Just for the record as soon as I am done writing this post I will be deleting that app off my phone because, as with SUGAR, it's a toxin in my life and it's taking away from things I REALLY want and need to be doing to make my dreams a reality.

As you know if you've been following me (start here if you'd like) I've been doing a 21 day (almost) no processed sugar... normally I will post my meals for the day and chit chat about whatever comes out of my head. 

I just want you to know I have NOT ventured to eating sugar these past 4 days and haven't gone off my challenge... (yay! be proud!) I am not going to post my food today though (maybe next time).


**WARNING** This might get a little mushy and personal from here out. The reason I share all this with you is because I realize how fake and unrealistic the world is (says the girl whose photoshopped face is on the side of her husbands plumbing truck right? stop it! it's marketing and fun!) I'd like to be real with you in hopes not only does it bring value to you but also, maybe someone, somewhere is reading this and they need to know they are not alone in life or in their feelings. 

Back to the crazy ex-girlfriend..... so as you found out last week in this blog... I went to my first counseling session to explore EMDR type of therapy with my husband...

I had my 2nd appointment this past week (remember I'm more crazy than he is)... it made me realize.....I really was a crazy girlfriend at one point in my life (So that would make me the crazy ex-girlfriend right?). 

haha.... yes I remember these days. 

Not just in boy/girl relationships but also in other relationships as well. I wont go into details but I WILL say I didn't realize it at the time... 

Yes I DO realize I was young, it was NOT all my fault (by any means).... a relationship takes 2 people wanting & working to be together. 

I also realize I clearly wasn't supposed to be with these people. As they were brought into my life as leverage to bring me to where I am today and where they belong as well. Now I have this amazing beautiful life I never imagined I'd ever have or believed I deserved. 

Natasha Barker Photography 

You may be wondering where on earth I am going with this...

This sounds so cliche  but everything happens for a reason....seriously you HAVE got to look at your life this way. 

My last appointment opened my eyes to realize I pushed (and still do) so many people away because of all the abuse I had in my younger years (My parents did the best they could. I do not blame any of this on them anymore. Most all of this happened outside of their control in and out of foster homes.)

I didn't believe I deserved to be loved, I didn't believe I deserved to be successful, I didn't believe I was good enough. I wasn't happy with myself. 

I ended up with an eating disorder and an attachment disorder. I wasn't happy with who I was.. I tried so hard to be but I didn't know how. I had this little girl inside me trying to get out so as i have gotten older my little girl comes out into my thoughts and feelings of anxiousness, self doubt and fear. 

This last session also made me realize that is why so many relationships I wanted so bad to succeed did not ... not just because they weren't right for me but also because I wasn't happy with myself. That shows... even if you're really good at hiding it it will eventually come out. 

You cannot be happy with anyone else if you are not happy with yourself.

Side note: I like to think I came up with this quote because I googled it and it hasn't been deemed yet... there are others similar but not word for word.... you know what this means right?

TWEETABLE! @Lallenia #Lallenia Yeah buddy!! (do it!)

Being happy with yourself is something that is a struggle for millions of people. I am starting to realize this is a choice. No one makes you happy but you. No matter what life you have been through, how much money you have and how many friends. 

People can make you feel happy when you're around them and material things can make you feel better about yourself but in the end it is your choice. If you struggle with this... go find help and don't give up if you don't mesh with the first person or thing you try. 

This is the reason I workout, try my hardest to eat healthier and now go to therapy is because these are things I can control in my life and they help to make me happier and a better person. I feel strong and capable when I make healthy choices mentally and physically. 

Also remember that everything you go through is for a reason. You may not think so at the time and it may be really hard and a HUGE struggle but I promise you it will lead you to where you need to be and who you need to be with.... and with a story to tell along the way =) Everyone has a story. 

This is just a snip of my story I shared today in hopes it will help someone who maybe is that crazy girlfriend (or boyfriend) or there is something inside you feeling anxious or self doubt...... take a deep breath, get in your "happy" place and realize You cannot be happy with anyone else if you are not happy with yourself. 

Go out there take chances, make mistakes, don't be afraid to be yourself. Don't be afraid to fail. 

Also if you see a young person or child who looks alone in the world and sad.... tell them they are beautiful, smart and important.. That they are placed on this earth because they are very special. These words (even if from a stranger) will stick in their head and help them believe they were put on this earth for a reason. It will help them not to give up or get sucked into the life they were given.... trust me I know this as I am one of those children.

Thanks for reading and remember to always keep yourself happy (healthy), fit, and fabulous!!

Love you!

XoXo

*Lallenia*

Never again.....

NEVER AGAIN

Have you heard the Kelly Clarkson song called Never Again? (If not check it out here!)

I was thinking this ALOT these last few months.... Never again!

HA!! No, this not about my ex-boyfriend... (juuuuust kidding... kinda...) 

I am so BLOWN away by the response I received from my last blog post!!!  I honestly did not expect that kind of response and a few who reached out really took me off guard. To those who reached out and shared a similar challenge THANK YOU! I no longer feel so alone and scared.

Really.... WOW!! 

So after that week I learned a few Never Agains (feel free to add them to the beat of the song like i did):

"Never again will I judge you,

Never again will I think less of you,

Never again will I believe what's said about you.....

Never again....." 

This struggle of mine has turned into a major life awakening. I learned I had people categorized, judged, or on a pedestal. After opening up about my issues; I had women from all shapes and sizes reach out and have some kind of struggle that is causing them issues with fertility, weight loss, weight gain, hormone imbalances, and other things. 

I remember in my early days as a trainer (honestly up until this) I would think it's not that hard to get in shape & be healthy! Just eat less and move more. 

That's not always the case, it is MUCH bigger than that when it comes to becoming healthy. I can't tell you how many women I see at the gym who are stronger & faster than me and yet a few sizes bigger or smaller than me. I also know many "skinny" or "fit" women that are VERY unhealthy and "heavier" women who are healthier (& happier) than I could ever be.

(Photo credit to Glamour Magazine)

I found this picture and it really resonated with me. We need to STOP judging people based on their size and shape because each person fights their own battle of some kind. It sounds so cliche but everyone has their own struggles and challenges no matter what they look like on the outside or via social media.  

I wish I could tell you after my last post I felt so empowered that I've been successful with controlling my dietary & exercise habits.... FALSE.

I've been in some kind of denial or rebellious mission.

Overview of shoulder progress:

My PT told me my shoulder was inflamed & stop running or do  anything that may affect my shoulder. So of course, reluctantly, I stop all activity AGAIN. At this point I am about 18 weeks out from my surgery... In my mind... that's a LONG time I should be able to workout again!

Then Tuesday May 13th at 5:12pm I reach to let my son out of his car seat (like I have been doing for a few weeks since I've had that range of motion) and SNAP! My shoulder makes a pop, my hand goes numb, and I just screamed and bursted into tears. (my poor soon now makes sure i don't reach behind me and asks me to get out of the car to let him out so I don't hurt myself... sweet little boy)

I've had a little bit of set back clearly. My shoulder is not healing as fast as I want it to (23 weeks now)... meaning I am unable to get back into working out hardcore. If you know me.... I NEED to workout. I need to sweat, I need to push myself. 

This is a throw back picture to when I was  28 weeks out of my first surgery in 2011.  It's hard to believe I was able to workout and move so well that soon after my surgery! A side plank with one leg... SO much shoulder stability! AND on my right shoulder..... CRAZY I tell ya! 

i miss it

Saying these last few months have been hard would be an understatement. I can't tell you how many times I've cried myself to sleep or just screamed out of frustration because I just want to feel like myself again. (It doesn't help I work from my basement and my puppy (yes puppy... ) just looks at me like I'm crazy all day & chews up everything...)

"what do you mean I'm not supposed to chew up this bat...
and the pillow, and the blanket......" oh Zuek! 

I was talking to my handsome hubby about this and he said."I know this is hard for you but I love you no matter what. Besides, look at how great you are at this marketing & learning how to run a business. You're making things happen for us, I couldn't do this without you. If you didn't have this surgery and were so wrapped up in yourself, clients, and workouts we wouldn't be making such big strides with Big Birge Plumbing Co."

Of course he says that right??

 The more I have been reflecting on this journey the more I am realizing that life has a weird way of leading you where you need to be going. Yes. I feel like I am entirely out of shape.... bad. The good thing is I've not gained a lot of weight I just feel flabby and weak.... I hate it.

I do however LOVE how much time I have been putting towards learning, growing and developing a business and myself with my husband and our team! 

We even had an article published about us a month ago in the Omaha Magazines B2B summer issue about our Marketing. It really confirmed to me that yes this is where I need to be with my life. (but it's not all glitter and gold.....) 

(read the article HERE on page 13 & 14)

I HATE the picture they picked for page 14.... yuck...I look OLD and gross but whatever. I guess I can't complain too much as it is publicity for our business. I will post something about my experience with this in my NEW blog and my website called "A Plumbers Wife"..... THERE.... I said it!!!

So... I've been working on this idea and business model for a while. I have yet to put it out there because I don't feel ready BUT when will I EVER feel ready?? 

Here's my logo....(one of them)

eeeeeek!!!!!! What do you think??? 

I am smiling from ear to ear because I know I am so far from where I want to be but I am SO excited to go on this journey and share my experiences with you! From here out I will be blogging, making videos, and podcasts about my life as a plumbers wife! (how fun is that?) 

I am in the process of setting up my social media accounts for this. But you can "like" my FB page right now if you'd like... I'd love it if you did!! That will help me get going on it sooner! My website is also in the works! 

If you're wondering what exactly this will be: it will be about my experiences running a business with my husband and the ups and downs of it all. I feel like not many people really share all sides of the business or their lives in the process. 

As I start blogging and creating content who knows... maybe  eventually get into coaching & consulting! I am a crazy person about learning and growing and a coach by nature.... =) 

I really believe this is all happening because there is a point where you have to find balance and stop comparing yourself to the rest of the world and be the BEST you. I used to compare myself so much to other women and feel bad about myself image, my job, my family, my house, my car, ect. Well now I say screw ALL that! This struggle has shown me I need to be the BEST ME! Not the best fitness model, mom, wife, laundry folder, cook, bookkeeper... but ME! 

There is a quote I have been saying to myself lately I came up with.... Who you are today is NOT who you have to be tomorrow. 

You do NOT have to be who you were yesterday! If you don't like something about yourself or want a better life... the only person stopping you from becoming better is ... YOU!!!!

Yes! I am struggling with the fact I can't workout much but that doesn't mean I need to sit here and cry about it all day and eat Ben & Jerry's (oh but Americone Dream ... YUM!!) 

I know working out and eating healthy is what I do... it doesn't mean it's who I AM... it IS apart of me but that doesn't mean I can't grow and develop other parts of me as well to mold into the person I dream about becoming. 

I have learned life is REALLY, truly what you make of it and what you envision for yourself. 

I could keep going on and talk all about how I had to get a cortisone shot in my shoulder and passed out in the Dr. office but what fun would that be?? (Ha. True story. I am a WUSS)

Now that i have let it known to my peeps (that's YOU!) about A Plumbers Wife.... I better get over there and start working on my next adventure in life huh? If you could be so kind and "like" my facebook page or "follow" my tweets, I would be so giddy over it! And maybe even share it with someone you know who may want to be a part of the awesome community I'll be creating.

As always... Keep yourself healthy, fit and fabulous!
And don't forget to PLUNGE into the life of a plumbers wife =)

*Lallenia*