Struggling to stay on track....

I decided I am going to do an update every Sunday until the show in 10 weeks!
(Read this first if you're  confused)
That way I have a plan and everyone will know when to expect the next one =)
( anything during the week will just be extra ;-))


I am learning creating a plan, schedules and routines are essential in reaching goals in life. Whenever i don't have a plan I feel a little lost and get distracted really easy!  I still have a lot of learning to do when it comes to creating plans and organizing my life. I feel like I am a little behind since i was unable to live a "normal" life growing up but that does't mean I am not going to try everyday to keep making myself better in some way.

Since i promised I was going to be totally honest and upfront in this journey I will tell you I struggled this week...can you guess that it all comes back to lack of planning ahead and taking my mind off my goal?

Subconsciously I am thinking oh it's 10 weeks out I still have time to make mistakes.... I cannot think that way if I want to feel like i gave it my all. I cannot fall into bad habits and old ways.

 Don't you ever feel this way?
"oh it's ok I can just go ahead and start again tomorrow...."
Yes, everyday is a new day and when you mess up there is always tomorrow right?

No.... not really (it's not promised on this earth).

You need to live in the present and make the best choices possible that will help you reach your goals and dreams now at this moment. The future is a mystery, we have no idea what tomorrow will bring. Why sabotage your goals and be left thinking if only I followed my plan.... Do what you want  NEED to do now and forget everything else.

One thing I have learned is when I think there is always tomorrow...it's time to reevaluate my goals and figure out a new plan or goal to keep me motivated and on track. And maybe the goal is unrealistic at that point and i need to try something else to help me.

I remember when I was in the darkest part of my life and really struggling with my bulimia, everyday I would think I can just start again tomorrow it's ok if i eat this whole cake (carrot), box of cereal (Oreo O's), box of girl scout cookies (thin mints) and bag of Lays Fritos (chili cheese flavor). I can just start on my diet again tomorrow. I did something similar to this several days if not weeks in a row.
(Does that shock you that I used to eat all that? I would be lying if I told you I made it up...I cannot really explain how or why i did it but i know I will never go back to feeling so defeated, helpless, scared, unworthy, self conscious, and disgusting again. Thats what happens when one struggles with bulimia or binge eating.... they feel worthless.... )

 I finally was able to wrap my head around the fact that it's NOT all or nothing Lallenia! Take it one day at a time and realize YOU are WORTH it. You deserve to have self control, self respect, and self love. Yes, you are going to mess up here and there but that doesn't mean you're a failure. It takes time to change habits and addictions, just NEVER  give up on getting stronger, healthier and happier.

Back to this weak week.... I had a couple days  I had to do a lot of positive self talk (can you imagine what my son must be thinking to see his mommy talking to herself.... oh geez). I usually feel weak when I am surrounded by foods that seem to "tempt" me (can you guess it's usually sugary, fatty foods?). This is why I tell people if you're serious about reaching your goals do NOT have the foods you know you eat too much of around you. There is a lot of truth to the out of sight out of mind theory.

This has been another realization to me... I need to STOP thinking about all the foods i CAN'T have and focus on what i CAN. (URGH....pinterest is KILLING me on this......have you seen all the pumpkin cream cheese bar recipes.... if not check them out DON'T do it!)

Also I am not going to cook for my family foods i cannot have that tempt me. Call me selfish but if they want something else they can make it. This is what distracts me from my diet plan the most... is trying not to eat what i make them if it's something I know i want... like no bake peanut butter cookies I made this week.... (shush up. i know! i know! Bad idea! dang you pinterest!!!) I was thinking oh I won't eat any! It's for my brother and son.... umm... yeah.

I have no problem making my Chickenwursts (is that even a word?) and their Bratwursts or my veggies plain and their veggies with butter on it.  BUT i do have a problem baking or making something sweet and not being able to eat it too. SO I will just refrain from this until after my competition. =) Problem solved. (hopefully)


We went to a little carnival this week and there was a table full of COOKIES!!!!!! (and coffee near by yum...)

I wanted ten one SO BAD!!!!! Here is my husband scolding me.....

Followed by this text message when I was getting bratty with him.....

(I know what you're thinking....ME? Bratty?? NEVER! ;-))

He wasn't on my good side... i hated strongly disliked him at this point.

So even though this is NOT on my meal plan I had a plate full of fruit and yogurt dip. 

I knew i needed something to settle me down and I also know that calories aren't everything... 

This fruit plate is the same amount of calories as a cookie (about) but it will digest differently in my body... (yes this is true, so take note...it's not ALL about the calories!!!) 

I felt so happy after I made the right decision!! and i kinda liked my husband again...

I wanted ice cream this week too... so I made this instead....

1 cup Coconut milk

2 tablespoons PB2

1 tablespoon cocoa powder

1 scoop chocolate protein powder...

Blend all together with ice! 

Viola.... Choclate peanut butter shake! 

  It was really good!!

Another lesson I am learning is you need to  really know your WHY....

Why do you want this goal?

• Why are you going to eat fruit while everyone else is eating cookies? (true story)
• Why are you going to eat your chicken dry while everyone else has a creamy sauce? (true story)
• Why are you going to go to bed by 9pm friday night to get up and be at the gym early while your friends are going to go out to drink and eat? (true story)
• Why are you going to eat a protein bar while your husband eats popcorn and PB M&Ms at the movie theatre?  (true story)
• Why are you staying home during a Husker game while your friends are out tail gating and enjoying nachos and drinks? (true story)

My WHY (s):

•  I want to prove to myself i can do it. 
• I want to finally achieve a goal i have set a long time ago. 
• I want to have more credibility in my career choice. 
• I want to be able to say I have done it and set a positive example for young girls and women.
•  I want people to know that to look like the fitness models you don't have to starve and it can be done if you do what it takes. 
• I also want to show them those fitness models don't ALWAYS look like that, they prep for the pictures, stage, magazines, competitions ect. It's their job... so stop being so hard on yourselves. 
• I want more confidence to help make a change in this world.
• I want a challenge to get me to the next level of fitness.
• I want to stay on track by blogging about it, inspiring and having support from friends and family
• I want to better myself, grow and learn through this experience.

What is your WHY? Dig deep.... it's not just to look good in a swimsuit. Write it down, keep track of your progress and live by it... adjust it as you go if needed.

2 week Results....

I was unable to get body fat % this week because my guy was out of town.... BUT i have progress pictures! I feel really awkward posting these pictures of me in a swim suit with hooker heels... as in it makes me wonder what the heck am I doing this for again?!!!..... it's SO weird, not really my thing right now. Plus I'm pasty white, no make up on, NOT flexing, no push up bra and I still don't know how to pose!!! AHH... I start learning tomorrow so don't be too harsh on my boring mug shots please! ;)

The black swim suit is just a regular one I have and the pink one is a competition one which one of my girlfriends loaned me to try for a show I was going to do last May. I wish i had used this pink one from the 12 week mark for a more accurate pictures.

 I am pretty excited in seeing the changes i do considering I cut out pretty much all cardio now except for my cycle class and occasional sprints on my hill.  I will add it back in if needed come 6-8 weeks out. My calories are always about 2,000-2,200, my protein is between 175-200 grams, carbs about 150-170g and fat is 50-70g.

I look SUPER excited don't i?... lol I feel awkward!!! 

WOW... this was a bit of a wake up call! My weight has hardly changed since i started! But my lean body mass (muscle) is going up AND I'm losing FAT all within the same weight on the scale. 

crazy my weight is pretty much the same isn't it?

this is just two weeks... I knew I felt changes but SEEING them in the pictures really is motivating! 

I REALLY  need to learn how to flex and pose!

I feel like this is my weakness, my back and shoulders from having those surgeries. I don't see as much change here as I want but I can see some (I want more muscle definition)... I know this just means i need to keep improving... slowly but surely it will happen...

To sum this up and what I want YOU to get from this blog....
(this can apply to anything in life not just fitness by the way)

Your Goal.....
1st.... What is your WHY?? ... no really... WHY do you want it?
2nd... Make a plan and/or get help if you don't know how to. (it may take more than one person to help and thats ok!)
3rd.... get excited about what you CAN do not  think about what you cannot.

My Plan this week?
1. Make a meal plan of weekly dinners for my family (something i have control over) and for me not to stray from my own meal plan (especially at night).
2. Every night before bed i am going to plan out my next day. Meals and workouts around my family obligations and training schedule.
3. Focus on the workouts and meals I AM able to do and eat not the ones I cannot (like pull ups & snatches or cookies & pumpkin bars)
4. Pray with my husband every night this week. (we need to grow closer spiritually and balance out our relationship to keep it strong and steady.) He is my greatest support and I want us to stay as close as possible!

Whats your plan to staying healthy fit and fabulous this week?

*Keep yourself Healthy, Fit & Fabulous*

~Lallenia~

Progress + Chocolate + PB = excited me!

My body fat is down about 3% in 2 WEEKS! WOOOO HOOO!!!!!!!!!
(In case you're confused as to what I'm doing read this blog first )
Can you tell I am excited?
I ONLY lost 1.5lbs from the SCALE but i lost 4lbs of fat! yes FAT loss is what i want NOT total body weight loss.
Check out this picture and you will understand why....

SEE!? Muscle LOOKS smaller than fat AND it burns more calories at rest than fat does. Do i need to keep trying to convince you to go perform some type of resistance training? If so here are some more reasons that lifting weights is better in the long run than just cardio:

1. Improving everyday performance in life (like carrying groceries and playing with children.)
2. Builds strong bones (helps against osteoporosis)
3. Helps fight against diseases and illness (like arthritis, diabetes, depression, heart disease and many more)
4. Protects against injuries by keeping your bones, joints, ligaments and muscles strong.
5. Improves balance, muscle control, and posture.

If you are a women with the thinking "but i don't want to get bulky lallenia!" Unless you're taking in obscene amounts of calories and/or steroids while lifting obscene amounts of weights, you WILL NOT get bulky! You will actually become leaner and more "toned." Toned is another word for having muscles on your body. I don't know about you but I like the look and the feeling of strong over weak and skinny.

I am not one that admires the look of Victoria Secret models.... well I used to when I was a teenager but that was before i discovered the strong, capable, and lean muscle look of fitness models. I used to dream about having a body like them. I never thought it was possible. I had such low self esteem and confidence. I didn't think I was ever petty enough, fit enough, smart enough or capable. I always thought i was so broken that no one would want me or like me.

I remember I always had to try to fit in with people in school. I didn't have cool clothing, I didn't know how to do my hair, I always tried to be good at sports but I only had "potential." I always had to work really hard to get anything right. I did not have much home support financially or mentally. I basically was lost and just fighting my way trying to figure out life on my own. Clinging to people and an eating disorder that gave me a sense of  security and acceptance, weather it was false or not I just wanted to feel like I belonged and like I was loved.

What does my little "feel sorry for me" story and strength training/working out have to do with each other? A whole lot!

Even if one didn't come from a background like mine and has the most amazing family in the world there is just something about having the ability to do push ups without being on your knees, being able to pull yourself up without the support of the assistance machine, squatting your body weight, sprinting up a hill without feeling like you can't breathe.... there is just something about feeling physically strong and seeing the definition in your body form that can change your whole out look on life.

Of course to get to be able to do these things didn't happen over night! I had to do thousands of push ups from the wall, then from my knees before I was able to do one from my toes, and pull ups.... I love them but they are so hard I'm lucky to get more than 2 wide grip but i still work to get more. It's taken me 2 years to be able to squat my body weight and sometimes I still struggle with the perfect form. Hill sprints freaking rock!!!! Yet they kick my butt every time! My point is seeing progress in the way your body and mind look, feel, perform and the strength you develop is rewarding in so many ways than just vanity. It has saved my life and my future.

This is my passion and something I will do my best to inspire others to feel and adapt as a habit. I will tell you out of my (almost) 8 years of personal training not ONE person as EVER regretted working out, eating healthier, and feeling stronger than they did the day before. It wont happen over night but if you constantly work at it, you too will reap the benefits of a stronger body and mind. Just make sure you know what you're doing and ALWAYS start off slow and steady at your own pace, don't campare yourself to anyone else.... focus on making YOU better.

Well this wasn't at all what was on the agenda for the blog this evening....haha I get a little passionate at times. Anyways.... 10 1/2 weeks before I step on stage half naked with heels that i don't even know how to walk in yet..... hmm... what am I doing this for again?????? ooooo yaaaaa.... because I made this as a goal 4 years ago and feel like if I don't do it now then I will regret not doing it. AND I really want another baby.... I do!!! Wyatt is getting so big and I am having baby fever. So if i can get this dang goal of mine out the way then I can check it off my bucket list =) Plus, I want to show myself I CAN look like those fitness models....I AM capable and strong enough to endure the diet, the training, and the dang 5 inch high heels. I got this.

I am just now starting to realize this is a competition. A REAL competition. I know I am going to be my best and look my best with the tools I have been given. I understand there is a lot of politics and what not so I am not going to expect a trophy.... but that doesn't mean I'm going to not give it my 110%.


Guess what  I made tonight....
Oh.My. GOSH. only the "dessert" that will keep me from feeling deprived during this whole dieting process..... I can't even tell you how freaking excited i am to share this recipe with you!!!!!! You ready for it????

Chocolate Protein Peanut Butter Mousse

I'm drooling right now thinking  of eating this again..... YUM!

1 cup Fage 0% fat Greek yogurt

1 Scoop chocolate protein powder

1 tablespoon coca powder 

1 tablespoon natural peanut butter (or other nut butter if desired) 

(can cut it all in half if need lower calorie amount)

Mix it all up really well...... ENJOY!!!!! 

Full serving

364 Calories

22g Carbs

10.5g Fat

48.5g Protein

I need to eat 2,000 calories a day so my night time meal can be about 300-400 calories and boy oh boy does this hit the spot!!!!
I tried it last night without the cocoa powder and PB.... wasn't the best thing I've ever made so tonight i needed 100 more calories from fat and protein.... so I added the crunchy PB..... simply delicious!!!!!

Ok folks.... it's WAY past my bed time!!! See I always have so much i want to write but I am silly and try to write before bed so I end up saying screw this and go to bed instead.... When I do write it at night I stay up later than I should.... maybe I will try writing during the day next time =)

-Keep yourself Healthy, Fit & Fabulous-
~Lallenia~

August 13, 2012

August 13, 2012

I am going to consider today the official start date of my diet for my competition on Nov. 3rd 2012.
I get many questions regarding my diet so I am going to tell you what it is I am doing until my nutritionist changes it on me. Keep in mind EVERYONE is different. What works for me may not work for you which is why I HIGHLY recommend going to a professional for your goals. Preferably one who gets a lot of referrals and isn't just trying to "sell" their supplements.
I had my body fat pinched (always go to the same person & use the same tool) and weight tested to determine the best diet for me.
I switch up the meals from my plan but I keep the macro nutrients the same.
So for me i need to have:
2029 calories.... Yes! Thats a 2 NOT a one! (feed that muscle!)
 67g of Fat
191g of Protein
167g of Carbs

Todays meals ALMOST hit that RIGHT on! i was so proud!
I use myfitnesspal app to log all my food and I freaking LOVE it!!!!! You can even scan your food in! It's easy, cheap and free... whats better than that?? Heres a pic of the summary for today!

 Here's what my day was like today:

Wake up at 3:45am...blah. I was NOT feeling it this morning and couldn't figure out why (then later found out my "friend" came to visit this month! I know TMI!!!)

 I literally had to force myself out of bed for cardio. I drank my coffee mixed up my amino acids then headed to the treadmill for 35min on an incline of 10 (my treadmill won't go higher =( ) and a slow speed of 3.0-3.2.

 (Remember I am trying to keep lean muscle on not burn it. Coming from being a runner it's a hard concept to comprehend BUT I am seeing a rounded rear which is rewarding and making me a believer!!)


4:30 am- 2 hard boiled eggs and 6oz sweet potatoes. Then off to teach my beloved bootcamp!!!!

7:30am- 2 eggs 4oz broccoli... it's so yummy mixed together!!!

10:30am- 1 serving of these oatmeal pancakes I attempted that turned out horrible because apparently grounded up oats do not cook like regular flour....ha but I ate it with 1 tablespoon of almond butter which made it better!

12:30pm- 6oz extra lean turkey breast, 4oz sweet potato, 4oz broccoli  (I make this ALL ahead of time and stash it in the fridge for easy access!)

3:30pm-
2 hard boiled eggs, one white (wyatt ate my yolk... I won't complain!)
1/2 of one of these yummy protein bars I made yesterday! (wyatt ate the other half... lol my little stud!)

3 cups oats
8 scoops Elite Whey protein
1 cup Crunchy natural PB
8oz unsweetened apple sauce
1 tablespoon cinnamon
2 teaspoons vanilla

Mix it all together and mold into a 8x13 pan rimmed with parchment paper
Then i placed in freezer for an hour.
Popped it out onto another piece of parchment paper.
Cut into 12 pieces, wrapped them up and placed them back in freezer for a nice, quick yummy nutritious  treat!

1/12 bars

285 calories

12g fat

23.5 carbs

21g protein 

My pre workout is (when I remember it!) D-stunner.... it tastes GROSS! My husband tells me to chug it... I'll try that next time! I forgot to take my creakline creatine =(  I feel a HUGE difference in strength when I use this stuff!

Workout today was chest and back

Keep in mind i have been lifting for a while so this is just what I am doing right now and don't expect anyone reading this to compare themselves. I feel I have come a long way and am getting really strong for a chick but I also work really hard to get to where I am! 

ALWAYS a warm up of jump rope, dynamic stretching, shoulder work, push ups, vertical rows and spider mans =) 

Set= consists of a series of repetition of one particular strength activity 

Rep= (repetition) how many times you repeated same lifting action.

Bench Press - 65lbs x12 , 85lbs x10, 95lbs x5 for 3 sets!!! 

(it helped my husband was pushing me... he's so freaking sexy, especially in the gym!!! even if its in our basement ;-))

Incline DB Bench press- 25lbs x15, 30 x12 for 3 more sets. My shoulder was talking to me so I didn't push it like  usually do. I can get 37 1/2 sometimes! 

DB Pull overs- started with LIGHT 10lbs then moved up to 15lbs. 4 sets of 15reps.

 I could go heavier but it places my shoulder in a awkward position so i need to be careful! 

Tri-set of rows! 3 sets of 8-12reps

Bent over Rows- using curved bar 65lbs

Vertical Rows- body weight.... LOVE these!

Prone Rows with Push up- 30lbs using power blocks.... probably in my TOP 5 Favorite exercises!!!

Power set of 3 rounds of 10, 6, 4 reps heavier each time

Trap Bar deadlift- 102lbs, 122lbs, 132lbs, This surprised me at how easy that weight was for me!!! My core felt SO STRONG!!! I will definitely be going heavier next time =) 

Post workout is 1 scoop dark matter... again... yuck! But I did it.

7:30pm Dinner was a HUGE spinach salad with 2 egg whites (wyatt ate my yolks again!), some red onions & balsamic vinegar with salad vinegar.
Also 5.5oz of 93% beef along side 1/2 cup sauerkraut... I really like this stuff lately!!! And it's awesome for your body!

9:30pm- 1 cup Liquid chocolate egg whites... OMGosh! SO YUMMY!!!!! seriously I love this! Its like dessert!

My husband is tossing, turning and grumbling at me.... time to say good night world!!

Keep yourself Healthy, Fit, and Fabulous!!

*Lallenia*