The struggle is real.....

I'm SO sorry this is late!!! I meant to post it last night but got home late from the movies with my son and little brother Travis. I started writing and realized I wasn't making any sense at all (worse than normal) so I figured I'd finish in the morning ;-)

**If you are NEW to me... Welcome!! My name is Lallenia and I am on day 5 of trying to  not eat processed sugar for 21 days. I am blogging about this each day ... so really welcome to my diary (read at your own risk). If you'd like to start from day one you can here. 

Let's dive in!

Wait.. first I have to say WHOA! I'm slightly in shock of the number of people who read my last blog! Creepers.....

j/k  But honestly I really didn't expect that kind of feedback or readership.... I hope this means that more people are crazy like me. And go get help without feeling bad about it or think it will make others perceive them as "not stable". Especially knowing almost every single person who reaches their fullest potential do it.

NOW let's dive in!!

For breakfast: 
I had coffee (duh), rolled oats, sugar free syrup, cinnamon, blueberries and coconut milk... I love it.

check out that SWEET hunny bunny coffee cup ;-) 

I kind of had to rush out of the house this morning as I had my Dr. appointment for my shoulder.

On the way out I noticed my hubby and I were wearing our matching Big Birge shoes....

awwwwww HOW CUUUTTEE!!!!!!

Well... I guess they really don't match all that much... but still it entertained me. (I get easily amused if you can't tell) And if finding out I was crazy yesterday (in this post) wasn't already enough, Brad was confused at why I needed to take pictures of our shoes and then take 3 more because the first 2 made it look like my feet were bigger than his.... I didn't want you guys to think I have huge feet!

Speaking of crazy.... I had my Dr. appointment today for my shoulder (If you don't know already from previous blogs I've had a few shoulder surgeries on my right shoulder from a dislocation and it's not getting better). Basically in a nice way he said I'm crazy because i have the strength & stability he's looking for so I will need a second opinion to see why it's not getting better. I looked at him and said point blank, "Dr.----, Are you firing me as your patient?"

It was super amusing as I'm sure he doesn't get asked that too often. He kind of looked at me not sure what to say.... Isn't is funny how when people are asked things directly and to the point it takes them by surprise.... I let him sweat for a few seconds than laughed and said I'm just kidding but you are aren't you?

I need a second opinion because my bicep is still in a lot of pain and the anterior part of my shoulder is really tender where the long head bicep inserts into the shoulder. This has been going on since after my FIRST surgery (Jan 2011)! I figured the second one would fix it.... nope the pain and irritation and scare it's going to come out again it STILL there. =(

He thinks they may need to go in and release my bicep muscle (another surgery) If I ever want to swim or do push ups again... so I need to see another specialist to see if they also think that's the right route or can come up with another solution.

While I was there for almost TWO hours (waiting my life away...) I was reading my book of the week which is "Think and Grow Rich by Napoleon Hill.  (AWESOME read!)

I came across this:

Made this XL for you to read ^^^

This was rather motivating for my challenge. I totally agree that if you are successful but in bad health mentally, physically, emotionally, or sexually you will not be able to fully enjoy your success of any kind (not just money). If you look at these you will notice these are all things YOU can control and master if you choose to.

If you feel like you're stuck in a rut read down that list and figure out what "ill health" you are suffering from and get help!.... dig into this issue either with a therapist, a trusted friend or family member, journal, hire a personal trainer, research and learn on your own, or hey... even start a blog.... you'd be surprised at how much happier you will feel just by releasing yourself and being vulnerable as needed. Make it a priority in your life to develop you.

I'll go first!!! (OH!! pick me! pick me!)

From that list I need to work on:

A. Over indulgence in food not conductive to health... this is why I am (doing my best) to remove processed sugar for 21 days... I love my sweets and seriously will eat WAY more than you can imagine... this makes me feel and look horrible.

B. Wrong habits of thoughts, giving expression to the negative-I AM a positive person really but I find that sometimes I feel like I'm not good enough or deserve success in my life. I know this stems from allowing my thoughts to take me there so I am learning to redirect my thinking. (this is a constant battle and why I hired a therapist to work with me on these issues)

C. Wrong use of & over, indulgence of sex; Like I'm really going to talk to you about my sex life.... maybe when I can have a glass of wine again and am writing my blog we will dive into that (bow chica wow wow)

D. Lack of proper Physical Exercise- Believe it or not... I think I have more sense of balance with this now more than ever. I'm not working out near as much because of medical issues but I don't feel guilty if I miss a day. Yes i want to workout more intense and miss that part but I understand this is just a stage in my life at the same time.

E. Adequate supply of fresh air due to Improper breathing... I want to learn how to truly breathe in and feel the oxygen in me.... sounds crazy but I know people do this and find it very helpful... (maybe my next challenge who knows!?)

After finally leaving the Doctor office I had to run a few other errands so ate this delicious snack.

yuum! Quest bars to the RESUCE! 

For a snack I had tuna, cucumber and crackers... this is my go to snack... easy and good for you! Plus i love the  crunch of these crackers!! (no added sugar!)

After that Wyatt and I went with Uncle Travis to get sushi & see Big Hero 6.

We split 4 rolls so I didn't over do it even though I could totally eat that whole plate easily to myself! ....my son LOVES it! See! (yes i am bragging that my son is a great eater and is 4... because I set that foundation when he was young)

 

Uncle Travis an Wyatt... how cute!!!!!

If you get a chance you HAVE to go see Big Hero 6! OMG...I LOVED it!! So adorbable!!!  I will admit there were a few times i cried (some happy, some sad).... of course I am a huge baby in the movies which is why I prefer Disney movies because they always have a feel good ending (and I don't have nightmares.)

no worries we took this at the end when people were leaving. I'm not that rude! 

Can i just tell you HOW HARD it was to not eat the Reese's Pieces with the popcorn.... that is one of my ALL TIME favorite cheats is popcorn mixed with Reese's Pieces.....SO GOOD!!! I didn't even eat ONE! That's INSANE. I'm hoping this will carry on after this challenge to where I don't really crave sugar so when I can eat it I don't want to or only eat a little bit and feel satisfied.

I know several people who are able to have one bite of cake (one that taste good) and that's all they need... can I just say I hate you. If I have a taste of something that I just LOVE.... I want to eat all of it and have a hard time to controlling that. It's embarrassing admitting this but it's true. My husband said I'm like a little girl when I get to eat a candy or dessert I love. This is why I choose not to have it in the house. Lots of people say but thats why when you can't control it.... you want to eat all of it because you don't allow yourself to be around it.....

First of all thank you for your opinion BUT I'd be 1000lbs if I even tried to allow it in my house. It doesn't work that way with me.

I HAVE tried having things I that are my "triggers" in my house before like Nutella and  then only eating a few tablespoons... it's gone in a day. MAYBE Two if I forget about it for an hour.

I've tried having ice cream bars in my freezer.... 3 days tops....

I've even tried only eating half a pint of B&J Ice Cream.... before i know it the whole thing is gone....

I'm really not making jokes people.... the struggle is REAL. Sugar is super addictive and probably should be considered a drug as it kills more people than we probably even realize through underlying issues. Check it:

It's something I have to constantly battle and have since I was younger. Sharing with you this struggle, and doing this challenge has helped tremendously. I"m sure a lot of it is the accountability knowing I promise to tell you everything I ate that day and the fact people actually read this. If it was in my own personal diary.... I wouldn't get the same results. So thank you for helping by reading this and either relating and/or encouraging me.

I know so many people look at me and have a hard time thinking I struggle with this as I don't look like the "typical" over indulger.... that goes to show you can't judge a book by it's cover can you?

I know I tell you this ALL the time but you all are the bomb.com! I really hope you find value in this and I can in some way help others who struggle with the things I do. I believe God is showing me my passion is being authentic about my life and my story. I'm learning so many others need to hear it and can relate in more ways than i probably realize.

Alrighty, I am about to take the little dude to the gym with me to have a sweat session since i missed yesterday!

Keep yourself Healthy, Fit and Fabulous even if it's a struggle... don't give up trying to become the best you possible!

XoXo,
Lallenia

Struggling to stay on track....

I decided I am going to do an update every Sunday until the show in 10 weeks!
(Read this first if you're  confused)
That way I have a plan and everyone will know when to expect the next one =)
( anything during the week will just be extra ;-))


I am learning creating a plan, schedules and routines are essential in reaching goals in life. Whenever i don't have a plan I feel a little lost and get distracted really easy!  I still have a lot of learning to do when it comes to creating plans and organizing my life. I feel like I am a little behind since i was unable to live a "normal" life growing up but that does't mean I am not going to try everyday to keep making myself better in some way.

Since i promised I was going to be totally honest and upfront in this journey I will tell you I struggled this week...can you guess that it all comes back to lack of planning ahead and taking my mind off my goal?

Subconsciously I am thinking oh it's 10 weeks out I still have time to make mistakes.... I cannot think that way if I want to feel like i gave it my all. I cannot fall into bad habits and old ways.

 Don't you ever feel this way?
"oh it's ok I can just go ahead and start again tomorrow...."
Yes, everyday is a new day and when you mess up there is always tomorrow right?

No.... not really (it's not promised on this earth).

You need to live in the present and make the best choices possible that will help you reach your goals and dreams now at this moment. The future is a mystery, we have no idea what tomorrow will bring. Why sabotage your goals and be left thinking if only I followed my plan.... Do what you want  NEED to do now and forget everything else.

One thing I have learned is when I think there is always tomorrow...it's time to reevaluate my goals and figure out a new plan or goal to keep me motivated and on track. And maybe the goal is unrealistic at that point and i need to try something else to help me.

I remember when I was in the darkest part of my life and really struggling with my bulimia, everyday I would think I can just start again tomorrow it's ok if i eat this whole cake (carrot), box of cereal (Oreo O's), box of girl scout cookies (thin mints) and bag of Lays Fritos (chili cheese flavor). I can just start on my diet again tomorrow. I did something similar to this several days if not weeks in a row.
(Does that shock you that I used to eat all that? I would be lying if I told you I made it up...I cannot really explain how or why i did it but i know I will never go back to feeling so defeated, helpless, scared, unworthy, self conscious, and disgusting again. Thats what happens when one struggles with bulimia or binge eating.... they feel worthless.... )

 I finally was able to wrap my head around the fact that it's NOT all or nothing Lallenia! Take it one day at a time and realize YOU are WORTH it. You deserve to have self control, self respect, and self love. Yes, you are going to mess up here and there but that doesn't mean you're a failure. It takes time to change habits and addictions, just NEVER  give up on getting stronger, healthier and happier.

Back to this weak week.... I had a couple days  I had to do a lot of positive self talk (can you imagine what my son must be thinking to see his mommy talking to herself.... oh geez). I usually feel weak when I am surrounded by foods that seem to "tempt" me (can you guess it's usually sugary, fatty foods?). This is why I tell people if you're serious about reaching your goals do NOT have the foods you know you eat too much of around you. There is a lot of truth to the out of sight out of mind theory.

This has been another realization to me... I need to STOP thinking about all the foods i CAN'T have and focus on what i CAN. (URGH....pinterest is KILLING me on this......have you seen all the pumpkin cream cheese bar recipes.... if not check them out DON'T do it!)

Also I am not going to cook for my family foods i cannot have that tempt me. Call me selfish but if they want something else they can make it. This is what distracts me from my diet plan the most... is trying not to eat what i make them if it's something I know i want... like no bake peanut butter cookies I made this week.... (shush up. i know! i know! Bad idea! dang you pinterest!!!) I was thinking oh I won't eat any! It's for my brother and son.... umm... yeah.

I have no problem making my Chickenwursts (is that even a word?) and their Bratwursts or my veggies plain and their veggies with butter on it.  BUT i do have a problem baking or making something sweet and not being able to eat it too. SO I will just refrain from this until after my competition. =) Problem solved. (hopefully)


We went to a little carnival this week and there was a table full of COOKIES!!!!!! (and coffee near by yum...)

I wanted ten one SO BAD!!!!! Here is my husband scolding me.....

Followed by this text message when I was getting bratty with him.....

(I know what you're thinking....ME? Bratty?? NEVER! ;-))

He wasn't on my good side... i hated strongly disliked him at this point.

So even though this is NOT on my meal plan I had a plate full of fruit and yogurt dip. 

I knew i needed something to settle me down and I also know that calories aren't everything... 

This fruit plate is the same amount of calories as a cookie (about) but it will digest differently in my body... (yes this is true, so take note...it's not ALL about the calories!!!) 

I felt so happy after I made the right decision!! and i kinda liked my husband again...

I wanted ice cream this week too... so I made this instead....

1 cup Coconut milk

2 tablespoons PB2

1 tablespoon cocoa powder

1 scoop chocolate protein powder...

Blend all together with ice! 

Viola.... Choclate peanut butter shake! 

  It was really good!!

Another lesson I am learning is you need to  really know your WHY....

Why do you want this goal?

• Why are you going to eat fruit while everyone else is eating cookies? (true story)
• Why are you going to eat your chicken dry while everyone else has a creamy sauce? (true story)
• Why are you going to go to bed by 9pm friday night to get up and be at the gym early while your friends are going to go out to drink and eat? (true story)
• Why are you going to eat a protein bar while your husband eats popcorn and PB M&Ms at the movie theatre?  (true story)
• Why are you staying home during a Husker game while your friends are out tail gating and enjoying nachos and drinks? (true story)

My WHY (s):

•  I want to prove to myself i can do it. 
• I want to finally achieve a goal i have set a long time ago. 
• I want to have more credibility in my career choice. 
• I want to be able to say I have done it and set a positive example for young girls and women.
•  I want people to know that to look like the fitness models you don't have to starve and it can be done if you do what it takes. 
• I also want to show them those fitness models don't ALWAYS look like that, they prep for the pictures, stage, magazines, competitions ect. It's their job... so stop being so hard on yourselves. 
• I want more confidence to help make a change in this world.
• I want a challenge to get me to the next level of fitness.
• I want to stay on track by blogging about it, inspiring and having support from friends and family
• I want to better myself, grow and learn through this experience.

What is your WHY? Dig deep.... it's not just to look good in a swimsuit. Write it down, keep track of your progress and live by it... adjust it as you go if needed.

2 week Results....

I was unable to get body fat % this week because my guy was out of town.... BUT i have progress pictures! I feel really awkward posting these pictures of me in a swim suit with hooker heels... as in it makes me wonder what the heck am I doing this for again?!!!..... it's SO weird, not really my thing right now. Plus I'm pasty white, no make up on, NOT flexing, no push up bra and I still don't know how to pose!!! AHH... I start learning tomorrow so don't be too harsh on my boring mug shots please! ;)

The black swim suit is just a regular one I have and the pink one is a competition one which one of my girlfriends loaned me to try for a show I was going to do last May. I wish i had used this pink one from the 12 week mark for a more accurate pictures.

 I am pretty excited in seeing the changes i do considering I cut out pretty much all cardio now except for my cycle class and occasional sprints on my hill.  I will add it back in if needed come 6-8 weeks out. My calories are always about 2,000-2,200, my protein is between 175-200 grams, carbs about 150-170g and fat is 50-70g.

I look SUPER excited don't i?... lol I feel awkward!!! 

WOW... this was a bit of a wake up call! My weight has hardly changed since i started! But my lean body mass (muscle) is going up AND I'm losing FAT all within the same weight on the scale. 

crazy my weight is pretty much the same isn't it?

this is just two weeks... I knew I felt changes but SEEING them in the pictures really is motivating! 

I REALLY  need to learn how to flex and pose!

I feel like this is my weakness, my back and shoulders from having those surgeries. I don't see as much change here as I want but I can see some (I want more muscle definition)... I know this just means i need to keep improving... slowly but surely it will happen...

To sum this up and what I want YOU to get from this blog....
(this can apply to anything in life not just fitness by the way)

Your Goal.....
1st.... What is your WHY?? ... no really... WHY do you want it?
2nd... Make a plan and/or get help if you don't know how to. (it may take more than one person to help and thats ok!)
3rd.... get excited about what you CAN do not  think about what you cannot.

My Plan this week?
1. Make a meal plan of weekly dinners for my family (something i have control over) and for me not to stray from my own meal plan (especially at night).
2. Every night before bed i am going to plan out my next day. Meals and workouts around my family obligations and training schedule.
3. Focus on the workouts and meals I AM able to do and eat not the ones I cannot (like pull ups & snatches or cookies & pumpkin bars)
4. Pray with my husband every night this week. (we need to grow closer spiritually and balance out our relationship to keep it strong and steady.) He is my greatest support and I want us to stay as close as possible!

Whats your plan to staying healthy fit and fabulous this week?

*Keep yourself Healthy, Fit & Fabulous*

~Lallenia~