How I Got Pregnant...

How I Got Pregnant...

I know what you're thinking…. And you are absolutely correct!!!

YES!

It is OBVIOUS how I got pregnant.... I mean not too much has changed in the world as far as how we evolve.... It's sperm meets egg. Now days there are all sorts of ways of how it gets there but still without a sperm and an egg there’s not much chance.

I felt pulled to sit down and write this as I have gotten quite a few people asking me about HOW we got pregnant when we had so much trouble before. 

If you've followed me at all you know my husband and I REALLY wanted to have another child after our miracle boy was born in January 2010. But for some reason it just didn't happen. 

I went to see a specialist who put me on hormone medications, a special diet, and even contemplated surgery...still nothing but a little depression and feelings of craziness (more than normal). 

After switching doctors I found out I have PCOS. (Which you can read about here if you'd like). This doesn't mean I can't have kids but it makes things a little harder for some women. With my background of an eating disorder growing up I was starting to think maybe our miracle boy is it for us. 

The doctor I go to told me a lot of women who have been through what I have can go on to have multiple children naturally. Considering I am decently healthy compared to the "average" population one would think I wouldn't have trouble right?  

He said we should get my husband checked... 

So we did.

It was last July 2014. I remember (like it was yesterday) getting the call from the doctor while sitting in the parking lot to the grocery store. 

The doctor said for some reason there wasn't sperm in Brads semen and we would need to retest, as that isn't normal. If that's the case we wouldn't be able to have any more kids with each other. 

As you can imagine I was DEVASTATED!!! 

Of course, instead of thinking ok there must be a mistake! Lets get him retested! NOPE. 

All I heard was we probably couldn't have anymore kids together.

Picture this...

Here I am sobbing uncontrollably, entirely upset, going home to talk to my husband... yet when I told him he just looked at me (slightly dumbfounded) and said, "ok and??..... there could be worst things... We DO have Wyatt and each other."

(I guess I must be a drama queen or something....)

But then... MUCH to my surprise he began to get more worried about ME. How I would feel about this if he really cannot have more kids and build the family I always dreamed about as a child. In his eyes he has all he could ever want with Wyatt and I. He didn't want it to hurt our relationship. 
(Don't let his scruffy, tough guy looks fool you... he's just a big a teddy bear!) 

After the shock of it, we decided to wait a few months before we would test him again. 

As life goes, we never did get to test him again. Part of it, I was scared to hear the news if it was indeed real. And truth be known... I was beginning to accept that I might only have one child. We started planning our life around that. 

Just us three....

After my (3rd and hopefully last) right shoulder surgery this past December 31, we started putting our focus on growing ourselves and our plumbing business. (I'm a sucker for self-development) 

By this time, as you can imagine, we BOTH were very much thinking unless we undergo some crazy surgery or have to go through expensive methods (that is not only going to cost a lot of money but is not guaranteed) we probably won't be having more of our OWN children.

Please note: Not that a child isn’t worth it or there is anything wrong with these decisions but we wanted to accept that maybe we will have only one and then adopt if we felt pulled too later in life rather than undergo expensive medical treatment.

Are you as confused as I am at this point of the story?? I mean, I know you know I'm pregnant... after all you probably saw this FUN video on my Facebook Account announcing it right?? 

Our son, Wyatt, has been asking for a baby sister since he was 3. 

He asked Santa last Christmas and every night would pray for her. He even started putting it in his grateful journal this year when we started one. 

No Joke!! I found this post of him asking me to buy him a sister at Target last year!! (say what!?)

crazy right????

I didn’t want to tell him we can’t have any more kids. I said miracles CAN happen after all you are one! Keep that hope… 

Secretly... I was heart broken. 

How I believe we got pregnant…

On top of Wyatt’s prayers, I think God led me to take this nutrition class at a gym I work for. 

I was already going to help set it up but for some reason (now I know) Wyatt wanted to stay for it (seriously). We were going to leave after it was set up because I didn’t have anyone to watch him that morning and thought he would be bored.

(I’m SO glad I raised this child to love to learn about his body and food.) We stayed for the seminar and I left there with so much more knowledge than I can even tell you. 

More than I ever learned from certifications, classes and books (Thanks Bill Esch!!). One of my biggest takeaways was the proper vitamins and supplements to take. 

Wyatt said, “Mommy! Let’s go get some vitamins and make our bodies healthier! And no more sugar ok? Because our bodies don’t like it.” (we still haven't completely kicked that nasty sugar habit yet)

That afternoon I went and bought some vitamins for all of us from whole foods. They were the Super Nutrition Vitamins. While we take Cod Liver Oil, a probiotic (LOVE) and vitamin C, we never really took multivitamins on a regular basis. It was hard for me to think we needed more than what was in our food (not that we eat perfect by ANY means).

Starting that whole month of February we were (and are) pretty diligent about taking our vitamins. And I MADE Brad take his probiotic as he was never really into that. Also, I was trying to heal my shoulder so I made sure to eat more whole foods and healthy fats then ever during that time.

Then the test…

Call me crazy (it’s ok!) but ironically after taking the vitamins & really eating well that next month... I missed my period.

It is VERY normal for me to be irregular… but something felt weird. NEVER did I believe or even think I was pregnant. I wasn’t working out like I used to so figured my PCOS was acting up and my hormones were crazy. 

My first sign should've been I hated my husband... true story. I just looked at him and wanted to cry... he's so gross, and stinky, and hairy, and annoying... "why did you make men God? Why???"

These were all the thoughts running through my head while picking fights with him over why he smells so bad and why he looked at me the wrong way. (worse than normal)

I even got so mad at him one Saturday night.... I drove around balling my head off for two hours AND I didn't even know why I was mad at him! Thank goodness it was night time and no one could see into my car... mascara everywhere and me screaming at the steering wheel.... with no explanation as to what it was I was angry about.

(Please note: if you are a guy reading this and your wife hates you... please confirm she's not pregnant before you make any irrational decisions or get mad at her... this is normal) 

After 13 days late, I was on the phone with my sister in law (who was also pregnant at that time). She said I was being weird and that I should get a pregnancy test. I told her no way… We can’t be pregnant that's impossible! 

Many of my other friends said that something was up with me that week as well. 

Since I just happened to be at the grocery store (again) while on the phone with her, I thought “I might as well just take one. That way I can prove I'm not pregnant and people can leave me alone about it and let me be hormonal.” So I got the cheapest one I could find.

That night, Friday March 27, 2015… I took the test just to show everyone they were wrong.

Fasle. I was wrong.

I took it and saw there was one strong line and one VERY light line… I was like no way! 

So I waited… and looked again 2 min later…there was still TWO lines… this was a cheap test so it had to be wrong!!! I called my husband in and said how many lines is this???

He was in shock I was even talking to him. Nonetheless had NO idea I even MIGHT be pregnant..... needless to say he was slightly confused… 

He said, "looks like two…" (long pause) 

"WAIT!!!....... WHAT!? Are you? Really? I thought…” then he got all excited with happy/teary eyes. (As I stared at him with disgust thinking urgh... why is he so gross??)

Of course I start googling if tests could be a false negative... then I took another one and same thing… I talked to my friend who is an ultra sound tech and she said it’s not very likely it's false especially if I missed my period and TWO tests had the same results. 

We made this card for Brads parents because he was SUPER excited and I was SUPER in shock... we couldn't keep it a secret until I went to see the doctor the following week….

(notice the "think")

Crazy right?? 

Maybe it is more so for me since I am sitting here writing this and feeling these little kicks going on inside me. It feels like just yesterday we were thinking our family of 3 was it, enrolling Wyatt in an expensive preschool, and writing in our christmas card about all the goals we have set for this year like going to Disney World.... well plans changed on us pretty quick there!

Conclusion: 

I believe in God and STRONGLY believe he has played a HUGE role in giving us this little girl to love and cherish...

I believe God answers prayers and he probably had a pretty hard time resisting Wyatt's relentless prayers for a little sister... hence why it happens to be a girl!

BUT I also believe that Brad and I must've been missing an essential vitamin or mineral that helped tie this all together. 

I have always believed (and until proven differently, will always believe) that your nutrition plays a VITAL role in ALL aspects of your life. For us, I think taking in the vitamins (and Brad his probiotic) filled a void in one of us and then everything just happened to click with perfect timing in Gods hands.

And Yes I promise it's Brad's child... I mean after all it only takes one sperm to do the job.... and this one snuck out of there!

Cannot wait to meet her in 15 weeks or a little less (hopefully!!!)

Bump is really poppin at 22ish weeks here! (I need an updated one now that I'm 25 weeks this week) 

Until next time... (soon! as I've also been getting questions about working out while pregnant so am composing some fun stuff for ya'll!)

Keep yourself Healthy, Fit and Fabulous! (and take your vitamins!)

~Lallenia

The Crazy Ex-Girlfriend....

Didn't I tell you in my last post it was hard to blog everyday?? 

It is... especially when your husband introduces you to Clash of Clans....... (stop laughing at me)

Now normally I am not a big TV watcher or video game player as it annoys the crap out of me and I feel like I'm wasting my life away.....

Last week I noticed my husband was on his phone more than usual (as he's normally only on it for business if people call or text). He doesn't have a Facebook account and never uses the business Instagram (even though I tell him he needs too!) 

I was feeling a little curious suspicious.... you know like the crazy girlfriend who has to know all your passwords to everything so she can check on you to make sure you aren't cheating on her right? 

Like you've never been (or had) one of those....

I didn't think my husband was cheating on me and I didn't go through his phone... I've learned from past relationships if that's something I feel I have to do he probably was is... 

Nope. I didn't go all crazy ex-girlfriend style on him (that never really panned out for me)... I simply asked what he was doing ... 

seriously... who knew talking to a guy at a normal level actually works??? (therapy must be working) 

Convo: 

Me, "Hi honey.... so what exactly are you doing on your phone all the time lately?"

Juuuuuuust kidding!!.... I REALLY said in a annoyed tone, "Why are you wasting so much time on your phone?"

His eyes lit up as he showed me the game and how awesome his village is.

I rolled my eyes and said, "you know how much stuff we could get done in the Smart Success course we are taking if you stopped wasting your time on that silly stupid game??"

A few days later he was talking about this “clan” he and some of the guys from the Big Birge Plumbing Team were in… I was feeling left out. A few days ago I decided to download it just to see what all the fuss was about.  

Then he told me our foreman said I should join their clan jokingly. Knowing I probably wouldn’t… I wanted to surprise them and join their clan so I could fit in. So I figured out how to do it and how it worked…. 

Worst. Mistake. EVER!

 As I am writing this I am nervous someone is going to “attack” my village and steal my gold!! (sigh)

I got sucked in. 

I'm embarrassed by it because it's not at all productive in any way. Although my husband will argue that, 

"It's like building our business baby. I mean look.... when you get money you upgrade your stuff and train your team to be better. Then you have to build back up again after you spend it... the cycle goes on. So one day we will have a nice big shop with the best plumbing team in Omaha if we keep investing in them." 

I guess he kind of has a point but I sure do hope we don't get attacked by other "villages" and they destroy everything we've built..... 

Anyways so yeah... that's where my blog writing time has been spent....... I'm sorry I feel like I've been cheating on you. Just for the record as soon as I am done writing this post I will be deleting that app off my phone because, as with SUGAR, it's a toxin in my life and it's taking away from things I REALLY want and need to be doing to make my dreams a reality.

As you know if you've been following me (start here if you'd like) I've been doing a 21 day (almost) no processed sugar... normally I will post my meals for the day and chit chat about whatever comes out of my head. 

I just want you to know I have NOT ventured to eating sugar these past 4 days and haven't gone off my challenge... (yay! be proud!) I am not going to post my food today though (maybe next time).


**WARNING** This might get a little mushy and personal from here out. The reason I share all this with you is because I realize how fake and unrealistic the world is (says the girl whose photoshopped face is on the side of her husbands plumbing truck right? stop it! it's marketing and fun!) I'd like to be real with you in hopes not only does it bring value to you but also, maybe someone, somewhere is reading this and they need to know they are not alone in life or in their feelings. 

Back to the crazy ex-girlfriend..... so as you found out last week in this blog... I went to my first counseling session to explore EMDR type of therapy with my husband...

I had my 2nd appointment this past week (remember I'm more crazy than he is)... it made me realize.....I really was a crazy girlfriend at one point in my life (So that would make me the crazy ex-girlfriend right?). 

haha.... yes I remember these days. 

Not just in boy/girl relationships but also in other relationships as well. I wont go into details but I WILL say I didn't realize it at the time... 

Yes I DO realize I was young, it was NOT all my fault (by any means).... a relationship takes 2 people wanting & working to be together. 

I also realize I clearly wasn't supposed to be with these people. As they were brought into my life as leverage to bring me to where I am today and where they belong as well. Now I have this amazing beautiful life I never imagined I'd ever have or believed I deserved. 

Natasha Barker Photography 

You may be wondering where on earth I am going with this...

This sounds so cliche  but everything happens for a reason....seriously you HAVE got to look at your life this way. 

My last appointment opened my eyes to realize I pushed (and still do) so many people away because of all the abuse I had in my younger years (My parents did the best they could. I do not blame any of this on them anymore. Most all of this happened outside of their control in and out of foster homes.)

I didn't believe I deserved to be loved, I didn't believe I deserved to be successful, I didn't believe I was good enough. I wasn't happy with myself. 

I ended up with an eating disorder and an attachment disorder. I wasn't happy with who I was.. I tried so hard to be but I didn't know how. I had this little girl inside me trying to get out so as i have gotten older my little girl comes out into my thoughts and feelings of anxiousness, self doubt and fear. 

This last session also made me realize that is why so many relationships I wanted so bad to succeed did not ... not just because they weren't right for me but also because I wasn't happy with myself. That shows... even if you're really good at hiding it it will eventually come out. 

You cannot be happy with anyone else if you are not happy with yourself.

Side note: I like to think I came up with this quote because I googled it and it hasn't been deemed yet... there are others similar but not word for word.... you know what this means right?

TWEETABLE! @Lallenia #Lallenia Yeah buddy!! (do it!)

Being happy with yourself is something that is a struggle for millions of people. I am starting to realize this is a choice. No one makes you happy but you. No matter what life you have been through, how much money you have and how many friends. 

People can make you feel happy when you're around them and material things can make you feel better about yourself but in the end it is your choice. If you struggle with this... go find help and don't give up if you don't mesh with the first person or thing you try. 

This is the reason I workout, try my hardest to eat healthier and now go to therapy is because these are things I can control in my life and they help to make me happier and a better person. I feel strong and capable when I make healthy choices mentally and physically. 

Also remember that everything you go through is for a reason. You may not think so at the time and it may be really hard and a HUGE struggle but I promise you it will lead you to where you need to be and who you need to be with.... and with a story to tell along the way =) Everyone has a story. 

This is just a snip of my story I shared today in hopes it will help someone who maybe is that crazy girlfriend (or boyfriend) or there is something inside you feeling anxious or self doubt...... take a deep breath, get in your "happy" place and realize You cannot be happy with anyone else if you are not happy with yourself. 

Go out there take chances, make mistakes, don't be afraid to be yourself. Don't be afraid to fail. 

Also if you see a young person or child who looks alone in the world and sad.... tell them they are beautiful, smart and important.. That they are placed on this earth because they are very special. These words (even if from a stranger) will stick in their head and help them believe they were put on this earth for a reason. It will help them not to give up or get sucked into the life they were given.... trust me I know this as I am one of those children.

Thanks for reading and remember to always keep yourself happy (healthy), fit, and fabulous!!

Love you!

XoXo

*Lallenia*

Slightly Inappropriate

Holy cow it's hard to blog EVERYDAY!!! Really.... I hope the people that do get paid big bucks for it..... (and if you do and you are reading this..... teach me how please!!!) 

So this is for Monday (yesterday) and Today =) that way I am all caught up... deal?? 

WARNING: You MAY find one of my Tuesday food choices post entertaining or a little disturbing. If it offends you I am apologizing right now... and if it does honestly offend you then you and I are probably not very good friends and wouldn't get along well in real life... but I still love you anyways no worries. 

If you are new to me..... Check out this blog that explains my 21 day (almost) no processed sugar free diet I am doing for myself.... if you just want to jump into my blog...welcome to my crazy life and enjoy the ride.....(good luck) 

Monday 

I DID get up and run 15 hills this day.... be proud! And yes I thought I was going to die.... I'm super out of "shape" meaning I haven't worked out for a while and physically cannot do what i used to... yet. 

Breakfast:

What you are looking at is my breakfast.... Pretty isn't it?

This would be left over ground beef and a sweet potato.... yum! You should try it sometime!

*In case you couldn't tell.... I am not a good picture taker of food.... or of anything else for that matter... I'm just learning how to take selfies as well so bear with me please....

Lunch... honestly I don't remember.... My guess is this coffee since I took a picture of it

 Coffee with almond milk & sugar free chocolate syrup.

I'm pretty sure I ate some Natural Peanut butter on top of a Matzo as well again today like the other day.

Munched on some carrots and celery...

Oh and then my dog got sick.... sad isn't it???? He was coughing all day and throwing up.... It was like a sick child!! Took him into the vet and they think he has Kennel Cough... weird since he isn't around other dogs much... but hopefully that's it and it will go away with antibiotics.

look at my poor baby at the vet

Then when i got home I was starving!!!!

I may have ate half a bag of corn chips, cheese and salsa... my very own Nachos! (half the bag was a bad idea right??)

I should get an award for the ugliest food pictures. 

We REALLY do have pretty bowls and plates i promise... i just don't like to use them unless we have company.... I can't be the only one like that can I?

While i was eating my "Hangry" away (that's a slang word for REALLY hungry FYI) my son wanted me to play the game memory. He set it all up and was so excited for me to play with him...of course I was all for it.... then we started playing... he knew where EVERY match was so i didn't even get a turn.... such a turd! I asked him how come you know where they all are... Did you cheat?

He looks at me and says.... "Mama, I NEVER cheat! I just always win because I set them up...."
I like his style. And his moves... Check it:

see how big his pile is? so not fair

Now onto Tuesday (today):

Breakfast was (GASP) White bread and scrambled eggs... why white bread?... it has not even one gram of sugar in the brand I found so it's game for this challenge (go ahead cuss me out in your head right here)... I don't over eat it so it's not something that affects me much...it was delicious and I don't regret it. Of course I also had my Coffee.... I may be slightly addicted.

Zuek was feeling a little better but still not himself all day... so sad!

Wyatt's favorite buddy

Lunch:
I was so cold and just wanted soup so I had canned healthy choice (1g sugar) and crunch master crackers.

Do you like my soup bowl??

I was still crazy hungry and wanted something sweet... or bad for you... Our chocolate chips were out of the question and so was the last ice cream bar in our freezer (don't tell my husband about it it's mine in 13 days)

I decided to be a good girl and follow though with her challenge. I came upon peanut butter and a banana... usually i will put honey on it as it's SOO good!!! Really... probably one of my foods, so much so that it would be part of my last meal if I had a choice.

I went to take a few selfies of this for you guys then realized my mouth on a banana may not look like the most appropriate pictures to be putting on the Internet.. especially in my glasses (I can imagine the headlines right now)..... so I settled with this one to share.

I REALLY need to get more creative with my pictures.....

I did a super quick workout in my basement... can i just say I miss it SO much?? Working out brings me so much joy, happiness, and drive in life! I came up with some awesome workouts anyone can do especially if they haven't worked out in a while... Pray I get enough courage to do a video soon.... (I'm intimidated by doing videos... who would have thought right?) Maybe if i get enough encouragement I will start doing some and get more comfortable.... so speak up if you want me to!!

And finally I had a business meeting tonight with a girl I basically forced to be my friend because I LOVED who she is and what she is about! Afterwards we went to Perkins... and guess what... I had decaf coffee with 2 shots of half and half (imagining it was Baileys Creamer) Did you know there isn't any sugar in half and half?  (for real. google it.)

I feel such a major relief getting all caught up and not having to mess up my morning work load getting a blog from the previous day out. And remember... IF you know how to make a living just blogging... let me know as long as it is appropriate and doesn't involve anything shaped like a banana, I'm in!

Whew, it's late I'm tired.... Catch ya tomorrow night! Only 12 days left until I get to eat processed sugar! I think I will have cheesecake, brownie, apple pie, pumpkin pie, chocolate chip cookie, lemon bar, ... OH! I know!!! a cinnamon roll from Wheatfields.... YEEES!

On a side note I totally feel like I am not as puffy and feel as gross since I've removed (most) processed sugar for 8 days as of now... even after eating half a bag of corn chips. =)

Keep yourself Healthy Fit and Fabulous with small changes one by one!

Love you ALL (even the haters I love you too)!!!!

XoXo,
*Lallenia*