The Crazy Ex-Girlfriend....

Didn't I tell you in my last post it was hard to blog everyday?? 

It is... especially when your husband introduces you to Clash of Clans....... (stop laughing at me)

Now normally I am not a big TV watcher or video game player as it annoys the crap out of me and I feel like I'm wasting my life away.....

Last week I noticed my husband was on his phone more than usual (as he's normally only on it for business if people call or text). He doesn't have a Facebook account and never uses the business Instagram (even though I tell him he needs too!) 

I was feeling a little curious suspicious.... you know like the crazy girlfriend who has to know all your passwords to everything so she can check on you to make sure you aren't cheating on her right? 

Like you've never been (or had) one of those....

I didn't think my husband was cheating on me and I didn't go through his phone... I've learned from past relationships if that's something I feel I have to do he probably was is... 

Nope. I didn't go all crazy ex-girlfriend style on him (that never really panned out for me)... I simply asked what he was doing ... 

seriously... who knew talking to a guy at a normal level actually works??? (therapy must be working) 

Convo: 

Me, "Hi honey.... so what exactly are you doing on your phone all the time lately?"

Juuuuuuust kidding!!.... I REALLY said in a annoyed tone, "Why are you wasting so much time on your phone?"

His eyes lit up as he showed me the game and how awesome his village is.

I rolled my eyes and said, "you know how much stuff we could get done in the Smart Success course we are taking if you stopped wasting your time on that silly stupid game??"

A few days later he was talking about this “clan” he and some of the guys from the Big Birge Plumbing Team were in… I was feeling left out. A few days ago I decided to download it just to see what all the fuss was about.  

Then he told me our foreman said I should join their clan jokingly. Knowing I probably wouldn’t… I wanted to surprise them and join their clan so I could fit in. So I figured out how to do it and how it worked…. 

Worst. Mistake. EVER!

 As I am writing this I am nervous someone is going to “attack” my village and steal my gold!! (sigh)

I got sucked in. 

I'm embarrassed by it because it's not at all productive in any way. Although my husband will argue that, 

"It's like building our business baby. I mean look.... when you get money you upgrade your stuff and train your team to be better. Then you have to build back up again after you spend it... the cycle goes on. So one day we will have a nice big shop with the best plumbing team in Omaha if we keep investing in them." 

I guess he kind of has a point but I sure do hope we don't get attacked by other "villages" and they destroy everything we've built..... 

Anyways so yeah... that's where my blog writing time has been spent....... I'm sorry I feel like I've been cheating on you. Just for the record as soon as I am done writing this post I will be deleting that app off my phone because, as with SUGAR, it's a toxin in my life and it's taking away from things I REALLY want and need to be doing to make my dreams a reality.

As you know if you've been following me (start here if you'd like) I've been doing a 21 day (almost) no processed sugar... normally I will post my meals for the day and chit chat about whatever comes out of my head. 

I just want you to know I have NOT ventured to eating sugar these past 4 days and haven't gone off my challenge... (yay! be proud!) I am not going to post my food today though (maybe next time).


**WARNING** This might get a little mushy and personal from here out. The reason I share all this with you is because I realize how fake and unrealistic the world is (says the girl whose photoshopped face is on the side of her husbands plumbing truck right? stop it! it's marketing and fun!) I'd like to be real with you in hopes not only does it bring value to you but also, maybe someone, somewhere is reading this and they need to know they are not alone in life or in their feelings. 

Back to the crazy ex-girlfriend..... so as you found out last week in this blog... I went to my first counseling session to explore EMDR type of therapy with my husband...

I had my 2nd appointment this past week (remember I'm more crazy than he is)... it made me realize.....I really was a crazy girlfriend at one point in my life (So that would make me the crazy ex-girlfriend right?). 

haha.... yes I remember these days. 

Not just in boy/girl relationships but also in other relationships as well. I wont go into details but I WILL say I didn't realize it at the time... 

Yes I DO realize I was young, it was NOT all my fault (by any means).... a relationship takes 2 people wanting & working to be together. 

I also realize I clearly wasn't supposed to be with these people. As they were brought into my life as leverage to bring me to where I am today and where they belong as well. Now I have this amazing beautiful life I never imagined I'd ever have or believed I deserved. 

Natasha Barker Photography 

You may be wondering where on earth I am going with this...

This sounds so cliche  but everything happens for a reason....seriously you HAVE got to look at your life this way. 

My last appointment opened my eyes to realize I pushed (and still do) so many people away because of all the abuse I had in my younger years (My parents did the best they could. I do not blame any of this on them anymore. Most all of this happened outside of their control in and out of foster homes.)

I didn't believe I deserved to be loved, I didn't believe I deserved to be successful, I didn't believe I was good enough. I wasn't happy with myself. 

I ended up with an eating disorder and an attachment disorder. I wasn't happy with who I was.. I tried so hard to be but I didn't know how. I had this little girl inside me trying to get out so as i have gotten older my little girl comes out into my thoughts and feelings of anxiousness, self doubt and fear. 

This last session also made me realize that is why so many relationships I wanted so bad to succeed did not ... not just because they weren't right for me but also because I wasn't happy with myself. That shows... even if you're really good at hiding it it will eventually come out. 

You cannot be happy with anyone else if you are not happy with yourself.

Side note: I like to think I came up with this quote because I googled it and it hasn't been deemed yet... there are others similar but not word for word.... you know what this means right?

TWEETABLE! @Lallenia #Lallenia Yeah buddy!! (do it!)

Being happy with yourself is something that is a struggle for millions of people. I am starting to realize this is a choice. No one makes you happy but you. No matter what life you have been through, how much money you have and how many friends. 

People can make you feel happy when you're around them and material things can make you feel better about yourself but in the end it is your choice. If you struggle with this... go find help and don't give up if you don't mesh with the first person or thing you try. 

This is the reason I workout, try my hardest to eat healthier and now go to therapy is because these are things I can control in my life and they help to make me happier and a better person. I feel strong and capable when I make healthy choices mentally and physically. 

Also remember that everything you go through is for a reason. You may not think so at the time and it may be really hard and a HUGE struggle but I promise you it will lead you to where you need to be and who you need to be with.... and with a story to tell along the way =) Everyone has a story. 

This is just a snip of my story I shared today in hopes it will help someone who maybe is that crazy girlfriend (or boyfriend) or there is something inside you feeling anxious or self doubt...... take a deep breath, get in your "happy" place and realize You cannot be happy with anyone else if you are not happy with yourself. 

Go out there take chances, make mistakes, don't be afraid to be yourself. Don't be afraid to fail. 

Also if you see a young person or child who looks alone in the world and sad.... tell them they are beautiful, smart and important.. That they are placed on this earth because they are very special. These words (even if from a stranger) will stick in their head and help them believe they were put on this earth for a reason. It will help them not to give up or get sucked into the life they were given.... trust me I know this as I am one of those children.

Thanks for reading and remember to always keep yourself happy (healthy), fit, and fabulous!!

Love you!

XoXo

*Lallenia*

Slightly Inappropriate

Holy cow it's hard to blog EVERYDAY!!! Really.... I hope the people that do get paid big bucks for it..... (and if you do and you are reading this..... teach me how please!!!) 

So this is for Monday (yesterday) and Today =) that way I am all caught up... deal?? 

WARNING: You MAY find one of my Tuesday food choices post entertaining or a little disturbing. If it offends you I am apologizing right now... and if it does honestly offend you then you and I are probably not very good friends and wouldn't get along well in real life... but I still love you anyways no worries. 

If you are new to me..... Check out this blog that explains my 21 day (almost) no processed sugar free diet I am doing for myself.... if you just want to jump into my blog...welcome to my crazy life and enjoy the ride.....(good luck) 

Monday 

I DID get up and run 15 hills this day.... be proud! And yes I thought I was going to die.... I'm super out of "shape" meaning I haven't worked out for a while and physically cannot do what i used to... yet. 

Breakfast:

What you are looking at is my breakfast.... Pretty isn't it?

This would be left over ground beef and a sweet potato.... yum! You should try it sometime!

*In case you couldn't tell.... I am not a good picture taker of food.... or of anything else for that matter... I'm just learning how to take selfies as well so bear with me please....

Lunch... honestly I don't remember.... My guess is this coffee since I took a picture of it

 Coffee with almond milk & sugar free chocolate syrup.

I'm pretty sure I ate some Natural Peanut butter on top of a Matzo as well again today like the other day.

Munched on some carrots and celery...

Oh and then my dog got sick.... sad isn't it???? He was coughing all day and throwing up.... It was like a sick child!! Took him into the vet and they think he has Kennel Cough... weird since he isn't around other dogs much... but hopefully that's it and it will go away with antibiotics.

look at my poor baby at the vet

Then when i got home I was starving!!!!

I may have ate half a bag of corn chips, cheese and salsa... my very own Nachos! (half the bag was a bad idea right??)

I should get an award for the ugliest food pictures. 

We REALLY do have pretty bowls and plates i promise... i just don't like to use them unless we have company.... I can't be the only one like that can I?

While i was eating my "Hangry" away (that's a slang word for REALLY hungry FYI) my son wanted me to play the game memory. He set it all up and was so excited for me to play with him...of course I was all for it.... then we started playing... he knew where EVERY match was so i didn't even get a turn.... such a turd! I asked him how come you know where they all are... Did you cheat?

He looks at me and says.... "Mama, I NEVER cheat! I just always win because I set them up...."
I like his style. And his moves... Check it:

see how big his pile is? so not fair

Now onto Tuesday (today):

Breakfast was (GASP) White bread and scrambled eggs... why white bread?... it has not even one gram of sugar in the brand I found so it's game for this challenge (go ahead cuss me out in your head right here)... I don't over eat it so it's not something that affects me much...it was delicious and I don't regret it. Of course I also had my Coffee.... I may be slightly addicted.

Zuek was feeling a little better but still not himself all day... so sad!

Wyatt's favorite buddy

Lunch:
I was so cold and just wanted soup so I had canned healthy choice (1g sugar) and crunch master crackers.

Do you like my soup bowl??

I was still crazy hungry and wanted something sweet... or bad for you... Our chocolate chips were out of the question and so was the last ice cream bar in our freezer (don't tell my husband about it it's mine in 13 days)

I decided to be a good girl and follow though with her challenge. I came upon peanut butter and a banana... usually i will put honey on it as it's SOO good!!! Really... probably one of my foods, so much so that it would be part of my last meal if I had a choice.

I went to take a few selfies of this for you guys then realized my mouth on a banana may not look like the most appropriate pictures to be putting on the Internet.. especially in my glasses (I can imagine the headlines right now)..... so I settled with this one to share.

I REALLY need to get more creative with my pictures.....

I did a super quick workout in my basement... can i just say I miss it SO much?? Working out brings me so much joy, happiness, and drive in life! I came up with some awesome workouts anyone can do especially if they haven't worked out in a while... Pray I get enough courage to do a video soon.... (I'm intimidated by doing videos... who would have thought right?) Maybe if i get enough encouragement I will start doing some and get more comfortable.... so speak up if you want me to!!

And finally I had a business meeting tonight with a girl I basically forced to be my friend because I LOVED who she is and what she is about! Afterwards we went to Perkins... and guess what... I had decaf coffee with 2 shots of half and half (imagining it was Baileys Creamer) Did you know there isn't any sugar in half and half?  (for real. google it.)

I feel such a major relief getting all caught up and not having to mess up my morning work load getting a blog from the previous day out. And remember... IF you know how to make a living just blogging... let me know as long as it is appropriate and doesn't involve anything shaped like a banana, I'm in!

Whew, it's late I'm tired.... Catch ya tomorrow night! Only 12 days left until I get to eat processed sugar! I think I will have cheesecake, brownie, apple pie, pumpkin pie, chocolate chip cookie, lemon bar, ... OH! I know!!! a cinnamon roll from Wheatfields.... YEEES!

On a side note I totally feel like I am not as puffy and feel as gross since I've removed (most) processed sugar for 8 days as of now... even after eating half a bag of corn chips. =)

Keep yourself Healthy Fit and Fabulous with small changes one by one!

Love you ALL (even the haters I love you too)!!!!

XoXo,
*Lallenia*

Back again with a challenge =)

Hi.... It's me! Lallenia!

I am back here...

Why?

Well... 1st of all several people asked me about my Plumbers Wife blog.
2nd I want to talk about my little challenge I am doing for the next 21 days.

If you are new to my blog welcome!! I am sorry if some of this may confuse you but you'll catch on or go read other posts because you're so confused....

To answer the questions about A Plumbers Wife:
 I know in my last blog I said I was going to be blogging at aplumberswife.com and YES! I am soon... the reason it is taking me a little bit is because I am going through a learning curve. I was totally in the mindset when I wrote that blog I would be able to just dive in and everything would be so perfect and easy... false.

I didn't want to put up just an "OK" blog or site. I know many people will say but just START or you won't get anywhere.... behind the scenes I have. I invested in a few amazing courses from a few people I absolutely admire and they all say the same thing.... if you're going to put something out into the world make sure it's your best effort and adds value to people life and doesn't waste their time.

Going through these courses I have realized I needed to push back my vision for A Plumbers Wife and dig a little bit deeper into what I want to do with it. I will keep you posted!

I do have a quick question before I get into my blog today:
Which logo do you like more? A or B? I like them both in their own way. I'm curious to get some feedback.

A.  B. 

The reason I am back to my healthy, fit fabulous... and have a 21 day challenge is....

I feel GROSS!!!!!! Like really gross. 

I see all these awesome blogs, instagram accounts, facebook posts, twitter, (and whatever other platforms I'm missing here) with all these cute fun fitness models showing off their rock hard abs, bootylicious booty, poppin muscles, crazy workouts and super clean meals. 

These people are all talking about how awesome they are, how hard they work in the gym, how easy it is for them to keep their bodies in tip top shape all year round, telling us don't eat this, don't eat that, don't go running or you'll get fat... (haha that totally rhymed!) I'm easily amused =) 

Anyways don't get me wrong or sit there and call me a hater... I think they are awesome too!!! 

(and I may be slightly jealous)

What I DON'T see is their struggles.... until AFTER they figured out how to fix it or after they already have that six pack and went though the transformation. Not the REAL live struggle of what it takes to get there or if they've ever struggled at all to get healthy and fit. 

I get it. Some that DID struggle were self conscious and didn't want to talk to people until they felt confident in themselves and felt like they have been there done that "now I can talk about it and tell people what to do." 

I am sure there are many blogs, and social media accounts where people do share their struggle (and i am sure many people will be emailing me to let me know) but it's no one I follow or know of that does. I figured I would step out of the box like I did with my fitness competition journey and share my struggles from the start of my new challenge. 

As you know, if you know me I LOVE to workout... yes I REALLY LOVE it!!! Weird right? 

Many people don't... but I do. It's my relief, therapy, strength, it's kind of my guilty pleasure if I may. 

I had my 2nd shoulder surgery on my right side in February of 2014. This one REALLY knocked me down. For a long time. 

I actually am still am having issues so have quit doing any kind of strength training that may cause more damage to it. I could keep going on about how much this has affected me in more ways than just my body but I know you are busy so I will just tell you this SUCKS bad and I'm not myself.

After realizing seeing all these posts and blogs it made me think... ok... so what about someone like me? I know I have a fitness background and all but right now I cannot do a push up because of my shoulder injury (as in physically can't... and boy do i despise the word can't)... I LOVE PUSH UPS!! Really I do. I am very limited right now as to what my body will let me do without pain or strain so lifting weights even body weight has me limited. Yes there are things i CAN do... it's just not the same. I do go to cycle and run... will also train legs 1-2times a week.... but it's hard for me to get into it knowing I have to be careful and knowing what i used to do.

I also DREAD eating salads & vegetables right now.... no joke. Like, I have been avoiding them at ALL costs...super weird for me because I used to be obsessed with vegetables!

Basically I am just a complete fitness failure right now... I'd get an F- on my report card. (and DETENTION!) 

I'm just not on top of my fitness game. I can give you a million other excuses OR... I can do something about it. 

This weekend I asked myself....

Lallenia, what is it that you are REALLY struggling with that is making you feel so gross physically? 

Is it the fact you can't push yourself at the gym and feel strong? (why yes.. yes it is)

Is it the fact that you sit more because of the transition from working on your feet all day to running the office work of a business? (urgh gag me!)

Is it your food choices? (sooo... ice cream bars before bed is a bad thing??)

BINGO! 

It's TOTALLY my food choices... I am eating a lot of .. (brace yourself) SUGAR! (gasp)

After doing some deep digging (into the B&J's Americone Dream container)... I came to realize.... I feel gross because I am not fueling my tank with the appropriate nutrition my body needs to excel in life. I may not be able to push myself like I want at the gym but if I was eating to fuel my brain & body I wouldn't be so negative and feel so gross about myself. 

*Side note: If you follow me you know I also struggle with PCOS and insulin resistance so nutrition is even more vital for me to be on top of to feel good...

Today I am starting a 21 day (processed) sugar free diet. (but what about all of Wyatt's Halloween candy??)

No I didn't buy a program or anything. I am going to try to do it on my own. Picking foods I want just knowing what to look for and what is realistic for me. 

 I will blog every day for 21 days and let you know the outcome as far as how mentally, physically and emotionally. (This is your fair warning right now)

I am not going to limit my fruit intake or carbs, or any of that stuff that many diets want you to when starting a detox or diet. I am going to eliminate processed sugar.  I will read the labels and if there is processed sugar higher than 1-2g on there it's out. 

The reason why I say 1-2g is ok because that's hardly any and I know a few foods might have a trace. Again I am being realistic and starting small. (so you people that are perfectionist... go eat a gluten free sugar free cocoa nib paleo cookie and leave me alone)

Haven't we all gone all out on a diet only for it to fail 90% of the time?? It makes it so hard to turn it into a lifestyle change because we have this all or nothing thinking. I think it takes trial and error... and it's ok to fail or find what does and doesn't work for you as long as you don't give up trying. 

That's why this is by my rules, not a shake challenge, whole 30 challenge, or some kind of 0 carb challenge.  I am the only one that knows my body and I want to make this transition and painless as possible. 

OK I am not dragging this on anymore..... Here's what I ate today: 

Breakfast: 1 cup berries, 2 eggs, 1 cup broccoli (it's SOOO good with eggs! at least I tell myself that) and some coffee

Lunch: Pomegranate ... yep ate the WHOLE dang thing! I tried not too but I couldn't stop! Someone once asked how I could eat the seeds just by themselves.... well.... here's the proof: 

SOOO good!!!! Except when they get stuck in your teeth.... that is rather annoying and the whole thing has a large amount of carbs.... whoops. But it's natural right? 

Then i had a cheese stick... ok maybe 2 but 0g sugar.

Snack: Baby carrots and my 4 & 3/4 year old son, Wyatt,  totally talked me into buying a few flavors of tea from the Teavana store at the mall this past weekend... true story... (Wyatt is a little weird but don't tell his parents i told you that =) ) 

.

I made it so I can put it in the fridge so I can have a few servings throughout the next few days for us.

Dinner: Salad w/ oil & vinegar, Crusted Tilapia, & sweet potato w/ butter. 

I DID IT!! I had my first BIG salad in like 5 months. Celebrating the small successes.

 (I will get a small dinner one sometimes but those don't count)

It wasn't too bad..... Maybe I will do this more. 

Then I had this tilapia stuff that has 1g sugar in a serving. This stuff is super yummy but also really processed.... look: 

I will take all my measurements tomorrow and probably post them.. possibly a picture if I get enough courage to venture in to that... Again I am not really going to track my portions, carb count or protein... I am just eliminating pretty much all processed sugar for 21 days to see if i feel a difference or look any different from this one change...again yes I will still eat some processed foods but will have to be VERY conscious of the sugar.1-2g MAX and I will do my best to avoid it. 

I hope this helps you by either giving you the courage to join me, giving you a few ideas for meals, and/or make you celebrate the SMALL successes in living to be a healthier you!

Ok i am going to go grab a cup of this totally delicious chocolate peppermint flavored tea Wyatt made me buy and watch the Black List... seriously this is one of the FEW shows i actually watch because my husband makes me... it's his love language.... cuddling on the couch and watching mindless TV. 

Talk to ya tomorrow! Feel free to join me on this 21 day challenge!!! Let me know if you do... if there is enough people we can start our own secret group and give each other support and whatever else they do in secret groups =) 

oh and Don't forget to subscribe if you want to not miss a blog from yours truly (and her evil side who is the sarcastic one that makes her eat bad food) =) 

Keep yourself healthy, fit and fabulous!!

-XoXo-

Lallenia 

In Shock!!

WOW!

What a whirlwind this past week has been!!!!!!!

I’m still feeling a little crazy in my head…. Ok well not as crazy and cloudy as the past week since I am now eating more food too much food…

I must say as much as I was dreading/scared/nervous going into this big day I am sure glad it’s over I DID IT!!!!!!!

This past week made me really question WHY on earth am I doing this? I want people to learn how to be healthy, feel great, have energy, take care of themselves and LOVE who THEY are not what society thinks they should be… I was going to tell you this was the exact opposite but now that I have seen it first hand, its not.

 I have learned to appreciate my body and respect myself more than I ever have. HAHA. Who would’ve thought walking around in a bikini, huge heels and all done up could do that to me?????

Lets start from the beginning of the week. As you know if you’ve been keeping tabs on me, last week I didn’t get great results from some issues I was having with my eating disorder. (remember my running, binging and purging?? That doesn’t get results…. I will bang this in your head until you believe me!!!!!!) It turns out that all that craziness was VERY hormonal and I had a little friend who decided to come say hi to me 5 days before my show…. I was not a happy camper!!!

 Considering that I  decided to make bad decisions and not stay on my diet as well as i could i was in crunch time and had to REALLY cut out a lot of carbs to look like i belonged on stage. (which was my goal). It doesn't have to  SHOUDL NOT be done like this... lesson learned. 

I had headaches a lot, my energy was low, I couldn’t sleep well. I didn’t feel as if I was taking care of myself mentally or physically and I did NOT love myself very much.  EVERYDAY I would pick at my body and look in the mirror every 5 min to see if anything changed. It was crazy! I would beat myself up over the fact that I don’t have shredded abs or more definition in my back and shoulders. I was short tempered with my family and friends... not a fun week but I could have avoided it had I not dipped into old habits the week prior.

This is interesting.....

 I took pictures of my bloated stomach for 6 days in a row from Sunday til Thursday.... it was amusing how I could tell what I was eating was affecting me. at the top was the day my period (& after i had my binge freak outs) then towards the bottom was 2 days before my show, right when i started cutting water. Such a huge difference really cleaning up the diet can do! 

Leans meats, avocados and veggies worked wonders in a week! 

I made sure i packed all my meals up to the day of the competition.... then i placed all my meals in bags and labeled the day it was for.... haha classy right?? 

Hey it worked!!!! My BEST results have come when i packed my meals and ONLY ate what I packed....perfect! 

Not only was my diet changed I also had to step up my cardio a bit.... so lots of slow cardio so I did not burn any more muscle bit could lose a little more fat. 

I hated it. 

Now that we see what my week prior to the show consisted of..... lots of lean meats, asparagus, and some avocados here and there.... oh and stupid slow cardio.....

 I have been getting LOTS of questions about the day before and day of the show..... So lets go ahead dig into it!!! (grab some coffee or tea and some cocoa almonds to snack on...yummy!)

Thursday: 

Wake up to teach my AMAZING boot camp class... I was pretty low on energy but thank goodness they understood! 

I started cutting back on water (instead of 2 gallons I drank a 1/2 of one). I also took some dandelion root and this stuff called xpel. These are diuretics to help lose WATER weight... nothing else. Yes it made me feel better taking them because of my period and bloat BUT it's not something one should take just because. If you chose to take any kind of supplement DO YOUR RESEARCH first PLEASE!!!!!! This stuff can be scary. 

Picked up my cousin Cassidy (she kept me sane!). She went with me for my polygraph test..... that was sure weird....(Do I look like I'm on steroids??)  She then helped me go to the store to get nails to clip on.... hahahaha I'm classy I know. Also I needed to get little things like Vaseline for my teeth... (WHAT?) Apparently it keeps your teeth from sticking when you smile. We picked up some eyelashes.... haha I got these HUGE ones thinking they would look better on stage and needed to be dramatic... yeah not so much..... 

Don't worry my girlfriend saved me from these ....this picture cracks me up!

I picked up my "sister" (pretty much) from the airport and we hung out the rest of the day. Went to the park with my little man and on a LONG walk (so I didn't eat anything). 

Aren't they so cute??!

Friday:

I wake up Friday and had FULL intentions of getting my body fat checked and my final measurements but the morning was a little crazy. Ok not really.  I was being lazy and tired. Then when I mustered up the energy to shower I had to shave my ENTIRE body before my tan..... so odd. After tanning i was going to go but I was exhausted, light headed, and looked REALLY scary (see below).....Needless to say I was bummed I didn't get my final measurements. 

I got my tan from a beautiful woman named Tina, from Simply Gorgeous (AWESOME gal!!!!!). Whew.... modesty was GONE this weekend! Here I am BUTT naked with a gal spraying me down and i am trying so hard to NOT giggle, it was cold and tickled! 

don't you love this??

One of my BFF's (miss Aundrea) came with me (she took my pic!) so it was a little more fun... In the drying room, here I am naked, prancing around practicing my posing while my tan is drying... Highly entertaining! No worries.... it was just us two! (Thank goodness for girlfriends like her to keep me entertained!) 

During the process I get a call from edible arrangements about a delivery at my door, but they left it at my neighbors since i was gone. EEEEEK. It was really funny because Aundrea was actually ordering me one at the SAME time they called me!! (she cancelled hers & decided to give me something a little bit more risky AFTER my judging was over.)

We get back to my house and little Aundrea goes over to see if my neighbor was home so she could take the fruit with her because I only have ONE day left and those little things can affect my progress if I give in.. and we all know my struggles with my eating disorder.

My neighbor was not home, until after Aundrea left.... ahhhhhh. So she came over and gave it to me after looking at me like i was crazy from my skin color, baggy clothe and lack of energy. 

I tried SO hard to not open it..... but no one was around me..... so I did! it was beautiful! So sweet of my sister in law! I tried so hard to just put it away... but I may have had one or two bites pieces. Hey now... that's it. I could've eaten the whole box... I wanted to SO BAD! I then had to leave or I would have.

yummy!!!!!!

I go check in for the show then go hang out with Shannon, her parents and my little man at their hotel. They fed me steak! YUMMY! So much better than the cold mahi mahi I was eating for days. I also ate a few bites of Wyatt's mashed potatoes..... eeeek. So good!

I then go back for another tan (I have sensitive skin and am a Blondie so i needed to be darker). Did I tell you I was unable to wear deodorant these days? (STINKY!!!!!)

Saturday.... SHOW DAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I couldn't sleep... like at all. From getting up to pee every 10 minutes to my nerves... I was up at 3am.

I seriously kept walking through my T-walk in my head over and over. I was too tired to try to pose in heels that early! So then at 5am I pack my bags with my suit, heels and sweat pants, grab my coffee, red wine... (yes i brought some wine), rice cakes, honey, PB, and dixie cups... (to pee in.... yep to pee in lol) then head out to get my hair and make up done at 6am with Dani at Boss Studios.

Leave from there at 7am. Arrive for our meeting at the Orpheum at 730am.

I was feeling so odd at this point. Due to lack of water, food, tan, makeup, hair, OHMYGOODNESS! I was feeling a little insane. This text cracks me up.....

Clearly i wasn't feeling like myself.....

After the meeting we go back stage to get ready. I STILL had not put on my nails AND needed to change my lashes. Aundrea came to my rescue AGAIN! 

The locker rooms were FULL of guys and girls that smelled horrible from all that tanning, protein farts, and hair spray. Everyone was eating rice cakes and honey or candy (so much candy backstage), and was practicing their walks and posing in the mirrors. Modesty was definitely NOT in the category here. No one really cared, after all it was all about you here.... 

I met some pretty incredible people with AMAZING fitness journeys that got them up on that stage. 

She's gorg!

This gal Caitlin lost over 30lbs to step on stage... she looks AMAZING!

I really went into this just wanting to LOOK like i belonged. I was not doing this to win because honestly i didn't think i would even place. I thought it would be cool if i did but I always under estimate myself. This is due to my self image and eating disorder I am sure. Not to mention I've never had anyone (that wasn't saying it for alternative reasons) tell me I was worth it growing up and that i was beautiful (until my hubby of course!!!)

This quote and bible verse was playing over and over in my head the whole day to give me confidence when I felt like I had none:

 "For the LORD will be your confidence,

And will keep your foot from being caught."

Proverbs 3:26 

I was entirely out of my comfort zone. Thank goodness I'm pretty adaptable! 

We go on stage and have to pose for a front view and a back view. The judges then place us in their judging criteria. I was entered into 2 shows so i had to get up their two times next to a different set of girls. It was hard because you have to pop you butt WAY out but cannot look "unrefined."

Then you have to SMILE and NOT move. One time the judges asked to to stick out my butt more and I remember thinking.... "DUDE I can't get it out any farther!!!!" I guess I needed to point my toe more... oh heck. I was all confused! Heres a couple shots from front and back.... I'm in middle with blue suit on. 

2nd from right

3rd from left

After ALL that we get a little break so we go to Blue Sushi where i ate ONE cali roll... with NO sodium and a glass of red wine... I NEEDED more wine!!!! 

NIGHT SHOW!!!

Little did i know that ALL the pre judging would be done at the first show during our posing next  to the other girls or I would've REALLY practiced these more than my walk!!!!  I was kind of upset I was so worried about my T-Walk. I started to get nervous and then was given a little "shot" of confidence from some awesome friends!!

TIme for my T-walk...... hahahahaha OH BOY! I was a little faster than I wanted and a bit akward with the sassy kicks.... but hey... I DID IT WITHOUT FALLING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Heres the video...... it's ok... you can laugh... I still am laughing it.

When it came time for the call outs for the USA Pro-Qualifier I was standing backstage and thinking after seeing all these beautiful ladies... it's ok if i do not place, I got up on stage, went out of my comfort zone and did it. It's over and I know I overcame SO much in the process. I was feeling proud that i even had the courage to do this & put myself on the line.

The judges start calling out the numbers (in no particular order) and there were 4 girls out there then the judge said and number 77, Lallenia Birge. 

I just stood there. 

No way! 

I remember I shook my head like that's not right. One of the girls nudged me to the stage. I was seriously shocked. Then when he called out the places... I wasn't even 5th! I was 4th!!! CRAZY. 

Then we had to wait around for the Bluffs Classic awards. There were more girls in this show so I for sure thought I wasn't going to place AGAIN. So.... I ate TWO GiGi's Cupcakes!!!!!! (SOOOOOOOO DELISH!!!!!) 

Yes! Thats Aundrea & I  eating those cupcakes!
haha and I have my hubbys Flannel on cute right? =)

Anyways SO we go back to waiting for the Bluff's Awards while all this food is settling in my tummy....Then i hear my name AGAIN!! EEEKK.... suck it in Lallenia! 

I was placed 3rd!!!!!!!!!! What??? I couldn't BELIEVE IT! I even got a trophy!!!!!

This was given to me to eat AFTER  the show... how cute huh???

Besides:
- Winning the trophy and medal,
- Being able to eat food again,
-Learning more about myself then I ever thought possible,
- Testing my discipline,
- Going out of my comfort zone entirely
- Learning that I need to find a balance in my life...

The BEST thing from this WHOLE experience to me.....was seeing the look in my husbands eyes telling me how proud he was of me. That overwhelming look of love, pride and those words meant more to me than anything in the world. He was SO proud of me and excited for me I couldn't believe it.

He placed this on our mantle next to his little football game trophy!

Someone REALLY loves me even if it was a crazy, inconvenient, and extra expense on us in many ways. He stood by me and was so proud of me.... I mean he has had this look when we had our little boy, and when we got married but to see how honest and proud he was of me for something that I accomplished was so amazing to me. SO if you're a parent, wife, friend, sister, brother, husband don't underestimate the words I'm proud of you, when you truly mean it and say it with sincerity. I have tears in my eyes just thinking writing about it.

I am so happy I did this and so very grateful to all of you who helped me through and believed in me this whole time. I didn't expect the outcome to be as rewarding and insiring as it has been. Nor did I realize how many people i've inspired and helped along my journey. I have gotten so much positive feedback from everything that I am still blown away!

Many people are asking if this means i will do another one..... I might. I guess we will see. If I do i will have to get my midsection leaner for sure to place higher. But I need to simplify my life right now and get myself and my family back in order before I make any definite decisions.

 I have so much more i want to tell you about these past couple days AFTER the show but will save that for my next blog. Again THANK YOU to my supporters and people who have me in their best interest and prayers!

Keep yourself Healthy, Fit, and Fabulous!!

*Lallenia*