progress NOT perfection...

My update for this week......

I went to get my new measurements Friday AND my body fat dropped 1.45%!!! So I am at 20.77%!!! Which means I am right on track with where I need to be!! 

Stats:

Weight: 138lbs

BF%: 20.77%

Lean Body Mass: 109.33lbs

Fat Mass: 28.67lbs

So this means I lost about 2.5lbs of fat in ONE week and kept my lean muscle. Good stuff! 

I know by planning and prepping all my meals this week it payed off big time! SO that shall be my goal for the next 5 weeks!!

I will say i did slip a couple times this week by eating a couple bunch of yogurt covered almonds and an extra tablespoon of PB.... but the positive note is that I did not freak out or get mad at myself i simply got right back on track with my next meal.

I find that myfitnesspal app is awesome!! I REALLY LOVE IT! But sometimes i think I obsess with it and the reason why I will binge or overeat is because when I enter in the couple more (yogurt covered) almonds than I'm "supposed" to eat my brain tells me I'm a failure then I will spiral into an episode. 

I realized this when talking to my husband today. I know writing down food is one of the best ways to reach your fitness & health goals and to make you aware of your choices. i highly recommend people do this. For me, however, now that I know what to eat and how much to eat, if i mess up I look at myself as a failure or think i might as well binge.

Confused?? Me too! Heck, i suppose if this were easy to understand and there was ONE right way to log food and one diet plan that worked for everyones goals then we'd all be sporting six packs and round muscle butts. Dietitians and personal trainers would be obsolete. 

There is not. This is all a learning process no matter who you are or what your goals are, you are going to keep striving to get better and find a solution that works for YOU... not me, not your best friend, for YOU.  

This week I am going to try to not log my food (I'm scared!!!) and just eat off the diet plan and out of my cooler. I am curious to see how i will react to not having the control of logging the food and seeing my protein, fats and carbs right in front of me... My goal is to see if I do not obsess so much and just follow the plan then maybe I will not be tempted to binge or eat off the plan because I have some "carbs left over."

I am VERY excited about the results this past week and know i am on track even with the little slips but I am always looking for ways to get better... plus lets be honest... I do NOT want to be using food logs my whole life. For this next week I will be not logging my food, if I feel like i need to i will write it down on a piece of paper. 

I sit here debating if I should post my pictures or not this week....

WHY!? (Did i read your mind?)

 I mean after all I had awesome results according to my stats.

well...........

The pictures didn't turn out as awesome as i thought they would....

They were blurry and 2 of them looked better at the 9 week mark then the 5 week!!!! 

My only explanation for this is because i still do not know how to pose the right way to "flatter" my body. (or I ate my oatmeal FIRST then took the picture... does that really make that big of a difference?)

Yes. You know I'm going to post these...  shoot (pun intended) I've already opened up this much to you all about my struggles and life. Besides, it will show the process without a tan, pump up, airbrush, and everything else that happens to those pictures in magazines and from the stage... i also still have about 3-4% more body fat to lose.... progress lallenia NOT perfection...... 

Really though... What the heck? my 9 week out looks better than my 5 week...

I see you laughing at my pose... stop it! 

I know.... I know.... the suit I wear on stage better make me look well endowed.... because this one does not....... (anyone have $5,000 I can borrow???)

STOP LAUGHING AT ME!! I tried to look sexy and all i got was my tummy poking out and a funny look on my face. (*sigh*)

ok ok now this I can tell my waist got smaller and my back is looking leaner... which is what we want since that is where i carry my body fat. 

 I've always wanted really defined dimples on my lower back... I'm excited to see them coming in!! ... Yes I know you're still laughing because my attempt to pose in these pictures... I mean how funny does my hand look hanging down like that?

Well there you have it. 5 weeks to go. This is going really fast now and even if those pictures didn't flatter me I know I'm still on track. I need to get to sleep so  I can get up for 3:45am cardio.... blah....

I've learned to LOVE audio books now! Especially John Maxwell books!!! He's awesome! 

This book rocks!!! VERY motivating! I'm still learning how to apply this all to my life but i figure all this early morning cardio this stuff will be engrained in my head these next five weeks! 

Yes that says 4:18am and I already was listening to it for 32 min....... dedication!!!

I challenge you to read (or listen to) a book that will inspire you this week in an area you struggle with... weather it is with your relationships (The 5 Love Languages  by Gary Chapman is AMAZING), Health (It Starts With Food by Melissa & Dallas Hartwig will get you on track), or Business (Anything John Maxwell is inspiring). All three of these books and authors have changed my outlook on how i view my life in a VERY positive way. I've always been a HUGE believer in you are who and what you surround yourself with (everything from food to books to people).... makes you think doesn't it?

Looking forward to next weeks results!!!!!!!! (yes I will practice my posing so you all can stop laughing at me) 

Keep yourself Healthy, Fit, and Fabulous!!

*Lallenia*

Throwing in the Towel.......

My husband took me on a last minute surprise get a way to Minnesota for a Vikings Game and to see Mall of America for my 26^th Birthday!! I felt guilty getting on here when we do not get too much time like that together so I started writing Sunday evening and decided to postpone it and put my husband first. =)

 I will say so far that has been one of my most memorable birthdays yet.  

On the car ride down I downloaded the audio book The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman. BEST book EVER for anyone who is in a serious relationship hands down. Since we were driving I figured it would be a great way to pass the time. I could tell Brad was a little annoyed at first but by the time we made it to MN he changed his mind. I could write a whole blog about this book. It’s a MUST read and re read or listen to during your fasting steady state cardio in the mornings =)

The game was AWESOME!!!  Not only did they WIN! But I love seeing the athletic ability in football…. And their uniforms aren’t too shabby either.... I'm not sure which is better baseball uniforms or football.... hmmmm! ;-) 

We had fun! And Brad got me a super cute hat!...Ha he actually brought it back to me so i wouldn't be upset that he ate a hot dog.... lol at least he was kind enough to eat it before he sat back down next to me while i was eating my chicken and green beans....

                

 We explored the mall of America, went on the ROLLER COASTER 

I am without a hat.on so my hair is CRAZY messy! (more than normal)

Then Brad wanted to go on this Plank walk.... little did I know we would be strapped into a harness and climbing on ropes, ladders and planks to a really, really, really, really, (did I say really?) high destination.... ha I didn't realize how scared of heights I was until this! 

BUT IIIIIII DID IT!!!!

 He was soaring past me while i was putting one foot in front of the other without looking down...

this doesn't look as scary as it really is!! I was shaking at the knees... can ya tell...

 OH!  I happened to find the Lululemon store…. Game over. I found my presents. Brad was SO good and patient with me… even with the final bill =) (I’m sure it helped that we spent 4 hours at a football game earlier).

I’m getting off track…. ANYWAYS so if you’ve been following my blog at all you know I have a little bikini competition coming up here in SIX weeks!!!!!!!! (start here if you want to read more)

I went for measurements this week a little nervous because of my little episode last weekend and my other (red) “friend” came to visit me this week…

Nonetheless I gained 2lbs of LEAN body mass!!! So I am at 109lbs muscle (YA!!!) 

BUT my body fat is back to 22% and weight is up to 140.... Now that I am not on birth control or engaging in my old eating behaviors (on a constant basis) I have a NORMAL cycle, which means I get horrible cramps, exhausted, bloated and feel icky for 2-3 days. JR (my nutritionist)  told me this body fat measurement and weight could be skewed but either way I have A LOT of work to do still.

I started to get a little nervous…

I knew that was coming.

 After last weekend I was VERY diligent about eating the right amounts of food, carbs, proteins like 

the meal plan but would still sneak in greek yogurt and skip my almonds for an extra tablespoon of PB. 

There’s not really any room for that now. 

He told me I can still look the part IF I start believing in myself more, lower the carbs and stay consistent with my diet... Urgh there's that dang word again! CONSISTENCY.... it just wont go away!

I see where many girls give up right about here and throw in the towel. It would be so easy for me to say, "AH i can't do this. I quit!" and come up with an excuse. 

But i have learned in my life nothing comes easy. You're going to fall sometimes and have to pick yourself back up, No one is going to sit there and make you do it... only YOU can make the decisions to live a different life and reach the goals you strive for. 

I texted one of my best friends and amazing posing coach about the results and she asked what i was planning on doing and how i felt... I told her.....

WOW SIX WEEKS... (now it's almost 5!)

Anyways a HUGE accomplishment this weekend was i PACKED all my chicken, eggs, veggies and oatmeal/protein combo for the trip. (Poor Brad never wants to smell chicken and eggs again....)

THIS IS SO IMPORTANT! Pack and plan ALL meals for success. I have taken this tool with me now these past 2 days back. Each night i pack my food for the next day (even if I'm home).

 I cannot even tell you how good it feels to not be all over the place and tempted to eat other food. I just eat out of my bag and make sure I eat before i make Wyatt's food. Then give what he doesn't eat to one of the guys or the dog or the garbage instead of me! 

I DID get to go out for birthday dinner which was a seafood pot from Bubba Gumps... YUMMY!!!!

You know you like my BIB!!!

The waitress brought us a birthday cookie so Brad was happy... and yes I had a bite... but that's it! 

I was so proud!! (ok Brad actually took it from me so I didn't eat anymore.. AND he stopped me from getting a Cinnabon!... urgh... I will thank him in 5 1/2 weeks i suppose)

We also stopped at Bennigan's on our way home.... I never knew 4oz of steak was SO SMALL!.... 

This just isn't fair!

 I know many of you are wanting to see progress pictures!! ME TOO!!! I even brought my suit and heels to take the picture from the hotel...see....

--Note to self.... do NOT bring heels, a swim suit, and then ask your husband to take pictures while alone in a hotel room together.... recipe for failure (in his eyes success). Too Much Info??? Yeah... You're right.....---

Needless to say I did not get the pictures taken this week AGAIN!! (hehe... it's building suspense isn't it??) 

Before I go to eat my eggs before bedtime (and give out more TMI's) I just want to tell you how humbled, grateful, thankful and sincerely blessed I am by how many of you opened up to me from my last blog. 

That was VERY hard to really open up like i did and i was super nervous to talk about it. Nonetheless BLOG about it!!

The emails of support  I received and the emails of others opening up to me about their struggles REALLY opened my eyes on how big of an issue this is for many girls and women.

I know God has placed me on this earth to help people become healthier and stronger. I hope by me opening up, sharing my knowledge, experience, struggles and life helps others find their Healthy, Fit and Fabulous side with me!!!

I am looking forward to measurements this week for the first time in a while and cannot wait to share my progress! Please keep me in your thoughts and send me strength and consistency vibes for these last few weeks...... 

Keep yourself Healthy, Fit, and Fabulous!!

*Lallenia*

old habits HARD to break....

"What a person does on a disciplined, consistent basis gets them ready no matter what the goal."(John Maxwell)

This week what I did on a disciplined basis sure paid off when I went to get my measurements! I was VERY consistent this week on keeping my protein levels higher and carbs a little lower. I didn’t even have bites of my son’s foods for a week! (That’s a HUGE accomplishment for me!)

(confused? Read this blog first!) 

My weight went back up to 139! BUT this week it was BECAUSE MY lean body mass went back up! YAY YAY YAY! OH! AAAANND My body fat dropped almost a percent!! Which means I’m 21 something (I went in during a busy time so JR must’ve forgot to send me the measurements or I would post them).

I FEEL stronger and leaner this week. It takes time. This is why it’s so hard for people to stick with it. Even if you have a set back, as long as you don’t let it bring you down and keep you there you will still eventually get results.

Speaking of set backs… This is going to be hard to write about especially after telling you how great my results were… I have been debating if I should talk about this or not for fear of judgment, being criticized, looked down upon, embarrassment, harassment, unworthiness, and people thinking I’m a failure and not believe in me… whew… those are a lot of upsetting thoughts aren’t they? Well… I said from the beginning I was going to be honest, upfront and raw with my followers… so here it goes.

Friday afternoon AFTER I get my measurements, was feeling confident and excited, I went grocery shopping at Costco. (LOVE this place!) I have learned over the years of struggling with my ED (eating disorder) which foods I need to stay away from and which foods are “safe”. I had my cart full of broccoli, chicken, tuna, green beans, spinach, avocados, eggs, and my boy’s cereal and milk.

My husband really likes having snack bars for quick pick me up at work and my bother (who lives with us) also enjoys eating them when he’s running around town. Their favorite bar is the sweet and salty nature valley bar. Well… this happens to be one of my “trigger” foods… seriously! Have you tried them? Addicting!

I was feeling really great and confident saw the HUGE box of 48 bars and thought, “ya know I’ve been on a roll and feel as if I am in total control lately. I will not slip into my old ways. I can buy this and put it in their pantry as a treat for them and I will not be tempted at all.”

I normally do not allow sweets in the house because I do not believe we need them in the house and because I don’t feel comfortable around them from my long history of bulimia. It’s taken me a long time to break those habits.

Friday night:

I was planning on going out for one of my girlfriend’s birthday parties. I ate before so I wouldn’t be tempted and just enjoy their friendship. My husband ended up working later than expected so I ended up staying with Wyatt. I know this is how it goes when you start your own company. No big deal. My brother wanted to eat a sweet and salty bar, which means Wyatt did too! I was struggling like maybe I can have one bite… I mean I got awesome results and feel good… one wont hurt my progress. PLUS I had carbs left over for the day since I didn’t even get to all my carbs.

I had one bite and my mind went instantly back to its old habits. It wasn’t because I’m starving myself… I do not trust me! I eat 2,000 calories a day! It wasn’t because I was mad or feeling upset over anything or deprived.. . I was happy and had a great day! It wasn’t because anyone forced me to do it. I really honestly believe it is YEARS of a habit embedded in my subconsciousness. I triggered it and BAM, game over.

I even took a picture of the wrappers…. Gross… I know. How in the heck does this happen?

I'm pretty sure there is like 8-10.... I know you're trying to count them!

I had a rough couple days following with my brain playing tricks on me and telling me how I am not going to make it and to go ahead keep binging… blah blah blah.

The funny thing is…. I have learned that I need to forgive myself and understand Lallenia You are NOT perfect. This is no excuse for this behavior BUT instead of in the past where it would’ve spiraled into weeks on end of eating, binging, and purging it wasn’t. I forgave myself for once this weekend and felt a calmness come over me. And an acceptance.

That quote in my head keeps repeating itself to me…. 

“What a person does on a disciplined, consistent basis gets them ready no matter what the goal.”

“What a person does on a disciplined, consistent basis gets them ready no matter what the goal.”

Through this process I am not only learning more about the way my body works, performs, reacts, and what gets results from the outside but I am also learning what my body needs from the inside. I am growing to love myself for who I am not just what I am and I am learning to develop my thinking to become stronger yet understanding. I am also learning that I do not give up easily!!!! This won’t bring me down and back me away from my goal in 7 weeks… EEEK!!!

I know I have flaws and struggles… I am not perfect. Why it came back when I least expected it? Maybe it’s God’s way of working through me to help others and to show me I still have some work to do... This does not define whom I Am. Nor will I ever let it again. 

       Reality is normally when it comes back it lasts a long time and is hard to get back on track. Now it is almost like one of those people that I used to know (start humming that song now…) They come and go but I do not them anymore if they aren't going to bring joy and love in my life.

 If you’ve ever struggled with an addiction or bad habit of any kind I am sure you totally relate with me here. Maybe your addiction/habit it still defining you and it’s hard to get away from it and maybe it’s like mine… just comes and goes when you least expect it. 

Just like in the weight room or on the running trail… Do not aim to get perfection, aim for progress. Eventually I will be blogging about how I haven’t seen my “friend mia” for years instead of months… I know it’s going to happen, Just like I know I am still going to rock this dang show the best I can!

So even with the little rendezvous with my “friend” I still had some great progress pictures this morning… now this is funny… BUT (I swear I am telling you the truth!!!!) I saved them to my computer and deleted them from my phone in I-photo… then I went to pull them up and this is what came up…

9 BLACK pictures... Yes I made my husband take a bunch...

Yes these are my progress pictures… AHHH I was sad because I was even POSING for you in them!!!!! I am not sure what happened. But I guess this will build suspense for next week’s right? It’s too late to take more I have to start my cardio at 3:45am….

Oh! In case you were wondering about my plan to combat this setback… My husband gathered all the bars and anything else that might “trigger” me and placed them where I can’t find them. He also helped me prep ALL my meals for the week…. LOADS of chicken and green beans. AND he even is going to make sure I am in bed by 9… he’s yelled at me 3 times now.

I have some recipes, which I will post this week because I REALLY am going to go to bed now….

*Keep yourself Healthy, Fit & Fabulous*

~Lallenia~

PS GREAT video here from a girl about breaking habits and binge eating.... it's long but she makes it fun and many people can relate =)

https://www.figureandbikini.org/a/321/How-to-Stop-Binging-Once-and-for-All 

Posing session and Update! (not to mention a cute little craft I made!)

It’s another update on my progress for the little competition I have decided to endure in EIGHT weeks (from yesterday)!!!!!!!!!

I must apologize; last week I thought I was 10 weeks out… nope. I was 9 weeks out. Which means the progress pictures were within three weeks not two.

(confused as to what i'm talking about? Read here first!)  

I practiced posing with my girlfriend, the fabulous AundreaAnnin, this week on Labor Day…. Ha… I am SO not graceful or coordinated… let alone in heels and trying to pose my body… I bet your curious aren’t you?

Ok ok here is a little taste of how awkward I look trying to do this… don’t judge me… well ok I guess I have to be judged in 8 weeks so I better get used to it right?

Aundrea, of course, has confidence, poise, rhythm, and a banging body…she’s kind of the whole package…. I’m just half wrapped right now. ;-)

This week…. OH boy. Well I lost another percent of Body Fat!! Yay to me…. But I also lost body weight…. Which means some muscle mass. GRRR… I am not a fan of that!
As of Friday September 7, 2012

My weight was at 137.6

Lean body mass (muscle) is 107.09

Body fat is 22.17%

This was according to JR at Elite Performance Nutrition. 

I’m really trying not to lose weight so I was sad to see this because it means I lost some lean body mass. I know I will but I do not want to until the last few weeks up to the show.

I am what they call an ectomorph. This means hard gainer (in terms of muscle not fat lol). From all my running and disordered eating I have to work a little harder to put muscle on my body.

Ok… I know this may bring up a lot of controversy and people trying to convince me other wise but with my lifestyle, background, and ‘I think I can’ personality….I’m not a big believer in the whole genetics theory when it comes to fitness, muscle, and fat loss. I think it’s partly genetics as far as WHERE you store your fat and the obvious stuff like structure of bones, face, hair, and eyes. But looking at the big picture I think that people can shape their body the way they want to IF they use the right tools, have the patience, persistence and apply it all to their life.

Yes, it’s going to take time, years even to get there but if you have a vision I think know you will get there IF you want it bad enough. Look at all the body builders who have changed their bodies and athletes that have made it pro…. Someone gave them the right tools and they ran with them. Yes some may have had athletic parents but many of them did not. They were motivated and determined to make it happen.

 I’ll use my husband as an example. He’s a BIG dude (and kinda cute too…), he has lots of muscle mass on him.  He has had to work at it for YEARS….I have seen pictures of him as a teenager…. Still a cutie but really SCRAWNY(don’t tell him I said that!)! Now 10-12 years later he’s massive (Please tell him I said that though! =))!

This was from 3 years ago! He's a lot bigger now,  I just think this is a great pic! 

 WHY? Because he keeps getting stronger year after year. He keeps track of his workouts and keeps making him self stronger and stronger. He’s parents are not big and muscular, neither are his siblings. They sure could be IF they WANTED to be but he is because having size and strength is what inspires him to work out. That’s what drives him to go to the gym after working long hours in the heat or cold working as a plumber. I can’t say I mind it at all, plus that’s how we met =) Ha… actually I’ll have to write a blog about that some day… my favorite story ever!

I bring this up because I hear people saying ALL the time, "it's my genetics, I'll never lose weight, or I'll never get a bigger butt, or I'll never be able to do a push up." Then they go back to their old ways of eating a lounging around. Never reaching the full potential of themselves.

Back to me because we all know I could talk about the hubby ALL day…

I want to tell you all that I don’t know why I lost some muscle mass and that I am doing EVERYTHING I am supposed to… but that’d be lying. My workouts are AWESOME right now; I am getting stronger each workout! Love it!

My nutrition has got to be stricter!! My mind keeps telling me oh Lallenia you still have X amount of weeks left before you REALLY have to hit it hard…SERIOUSLY 8 weeks is not far away!!?? 

I lost a little muscle mass because I wasn’t eating on the right schedule, the exact ratios per meal and I let an extra tablespoon of peanut butter slip or a bite of Wyatt’s dinner in my mouth. I’m telling you it’s crazy how precise you need to be when it comes to achieving a certain look in your body. NO, I’m not saying to look fit you have to do what I am doing by any means! But if you’re going to be judged on a stage next to a bunch of other people wearing bikinis, heels and loads of makeup you should probably hire a coach or two or three to reach your FULL potential. AND I'm not going to be one of those girls who don't follow what their trainer says then scramble last minute and try to use diuretics to get rid of bloat and puffiness. No way! I'm going to do this the right way. 

Do I think I will be at my FULL potential? Not necessarily. I think for me to look the BEST I possibly can I should be trying to gain size right now and putting on more muscle mass to look a little fuller. Then do a show next spring. BUT I REALLY want to have another baby! I’m getting CRAZY baby syndrome. So I am going to do the best right now with what I have. Then I will see how I do, perform, feel and look…. If it’s something I love I will pursue it more in the future… if not I will mark it off my bucket list! =)

As for my goals from last week....
Well lets just say I am a work in progress! I did do a couple of them but here is my list for this week and some of them may be repeated because I need to make it a habit still!

8 week out goals:
1.) Follow meal plan as exact as possible!! We brought carbs down a little this week. I will need to make sure I am eating enough fats to keep me satisfied. Also I realized if I do not have a plan for my family's dinner then I'm more likely to eat a few bites of their tuna melt or spaghetti noodles.
I made this simple little weekly dinner plan for my family so I can be prepared with my own meals and be mentally prepared to make and serves theirs.

I'm pretty proud of this!!! I know my handwriting is horrible but its a cute set up and I didn't even use Pinterest to help me ;-) 
It is an extra kitchen cabinet door we had lying around and chalk paint on the front.... I thinks its super cute and matches our kitchen perfectly!!! 

2.) Pose Pose Pose and Walk in those heels at least 3 days a week! I'm more nervous about this then the last two weeks of my diet!!!!! 

3.) Keep up my progress in the gym and NOT injure myself! (or get preggers.... haha)

4.) Register this week and book tanning... I already have my suit picked from the stunning Tamee Marie, hair & makeup is booked with the amazing Dani Cooper at BOSS studio (she's going to do it SO early for me!!!) and my Wifey Shannon and her parents are coming!!!!!! I'm SUPER STOKED for them to be here!!!! 

As far as the competition those are my goals. I have many personal ones but I need to get to bed!! 

Oh yes! It HIT me hard yesterday when i awoke about the show in EIGHT WEEKS.... as of yesterday (Saturday) my diet has been SPOT on!! and i plan to keep it this way unless JR tells me I need a cheat meal. I even ate this concoction  for dinner... 

This is 93/7 ground beef, 1/2 cup pumpkin and green beans mixed.... it was rather scrumptious! 

Nighty night!!!! Keep me in your prayers for strength, faith and confidence please =) XOXO

*Keep yourself Healthy, Fit & Fabulous*

~Lallenia~