How I Got Pregnant...

How I Got Pregnant...

I know what you're thinking…. And you are absolutely correct!!!

YES!

It is OBVIOUS how I got pregnant.... I mean not too much has changed in the world as far as how we evolve.... It's sperm meets egg. Now days there are all sorts of ways of how it gets there but still without a sperm and an egg there’s not much chance.

I felt pulled to sit down and write this as I have gotten quite a few people asking me about HOW we got pregnant when we had so much trouble before. 

If you've followed me at all you know my husband and I REALLY wanted to have another child after our miracle boy was born in January 2010. But for some reason it just didn't happen. 

I went to see a specialist who put me on hormone medications, a special diet, and even contemplated surgery...still nothing but a little depression and feelings of craziness (more than normal). 

After switching doctors I found out I have PCOS. (Which you can read about here if you'd like). This doesn't mean I can't have kids but it makes things a little harder for some women. With my background of an eating disorder growing up I was starting to think maybe our miracle boy is it for us. 

The doctor I go to told me a lot of women who have been through what I have can go on to have multiple children naturally. Considering I am decently healthy compared to the "average" population one would think I wouldn't have trouble right?  

He said we should get my husband checked... 

So we did.

It was last July 2014. I remember (like it was yesterday) getting the call from the doctor while sitting in the parking lot to the grocery store. 

The doctor said for some reason there wasn't sperm in Brads semen and we would need to retest, as that isn't normal. If that's the case we wouldn't be able to have any more kids with each other. 

As you can imagine I was DEVASTATED!!! 

Of course, instead of thinking ok there must be a mistake! Lets get him retested! NOPE. 

All I heard was we probably couldn't have anymore kids together.

Picture this...

Here I am sobbing uncontrollably, entirely upset, going home to talk to my husband... yet when I told him he just looked at me (slightly dumbfounded) and said, "ok and??..... there could be worst things... We DO have Wyatt and each other."

(I guess I must be a drama queen or something....)

But then... MUCH to my surprise he began to get more worried about ME. How I would feel about this if he really cannot have more kids and build the family I always dreamed about as a child. In his eyes he has all he could ever want with Wyatt and I. He didn't want it to hurt our relationship. 
(Don't let his scruffy, tough guy looks fool you... he's just a big a teddy bear!) 

After the shock of it, we decided to wait a few months before we would test him again. 

As life goes, we never did get to test him again. Part of it, I was scared to hear the news if it was indeed real. And truth be known... I was beginning to accept that I might only have one child. We started planning our life around that. 

Just us three....

After my (3rd and hopefully last) right shoulder surgery this past December 31, we started putting our focus on growing ourselves and our plumbing business. (I'm a sucker for self-development) 

By this time, as you can imagine, we BOTH were very much thinking unless we undergo some crazy surgery or have to go through expensive methods (that is not only going to cost a lot of money but is not guaranteed) we probably won't be having more of our OWN children.

Please note: Not that a child isn’t worth it or there is anything wrong with these decisions but we wanted to accept that maybe we will have only one and then adopt if we felt pulled too later in life rather than undergo expensive medical treatment.

Are you as confused as I am at this point of the story?? I mean, I know you know I'm pregnant... after all you probably saw this FUN video on my Facebook Account announcing it right?? 

Our son, Wyatt, has been asking for a baby sister since he was 3. 

He asked Santa last Christmas and every night would pray for her. He even started putting it in his grateful journal this year when we started one. 

No Joke!! I found this post of him asking me to buy him a sister at Target last year!! (say what!?)

crazy right????

I didn’t want to tell him we can’t have any more kids. I said miracles CAN happen after all you are one! Keep that hope… 

Secretly... I was heart broken. 

How I believe we got pregnant…

On top of Wyatt’s prayers, I think God led me to take this nutrition class at a gym I work for. 

I was already going to help set it up but for some reason (now I know) Wyatt wanted to stay for it (seriously). We were going to leave after it was set up because I didn’t have anyone to watch him that morning and thought he would be bored.

(I’m SO glad I raised this child to love to learn about his body and food.) We stayed for the seminar and I left there with so much more knowledge than I can even tell you. 

More than I ever learned from certifications, classes and books (Thanks Bill Esch!!). One of my biggest takeaways was the proper vitamins and supplements to take. 

Wyatt said, “Mommy! Let’s go get some vitamins and make our bodies healthier! And no more sugar ok? Because our bodies don’t like it.” (we still haven't completely kicked that nasty sugar habit yet)

That afternoon I went and bought some vitamins for all of us from whole foods. They were the Super Nutrition Vitamins. While we take Cod Liver Oil, a probiotic (LOVE) and vitamin C, we never really took multivitamins on a regular basis. It was hard for me to think we needed more than what was in our food (not that we eat perfect by ANY means).

Starting that whole month of February we were (and are) pretty diligent about taking our vitamins. And I MADE Brad take his probiotic as he was never really into that. Also, I was trying to heal my shoulder so I made sure to eat more whole foods and healthy fats then ever during that time.

Then the test…

Call me crazy (it’s ok!) but ironically after taking the vitamins & really eating well that next month... I missed my period.

It is VERY normal for me to be irregular… but something felt weird. NEVER did I believe or even think I was pregnant. I wasn’t working out like I used to so figured my PCOS was acting up and my hormones were crazy. 

My first sign should've been I hated my husband... true story. I just looked at him and wanted to cry... he's so gross, and stinky, and hairy, and annoying... "why did you make men God? Why???"

These were all the thoughts running through my head while picking fights with him over why he smells so bad and why he looked at me the wrong way. (worse than normal)

I even got so mad at him one Saturday night.... I drove around balling my head off for two hours AND I didn't even know why I was mad at him! Thank goodness it was night time and no one could see into my car... mascara everywhere and me screaming at the steering wheel.... with no explanation as to what it was I was angry about.

(Please note: if you are a guy reading this and your wife hates you... please confirm she's not pregnant before you make any irrational decisions or get mad at her... this is normal) 

After 13 days late, I was on the phone with my sister in law (who was also pregnant at that time). She said I was being weird and that I should get a pregnancy test. I told her no way… We can’t be pregnant that's impossible! 

Many of my other friends said that something was up with me that week as well. 

Since I just happened to be at the grocery store (again) while on the phone with her, I thought “I might as well just take one. That way I can prove I'm not pregnant and people can leave me alone about it and let me be hormonal.” So I got the cheapest one I could find.

That night, Friday March 27, 2015… I took the test just to show everyone they were wrong.

Fasle. I was wrong.

I took it and saw there was one strong line and one VERY light line… I was like no way! 

So I waited… and looked again 2 min later…there was still TWO lines… this was a cheap test so it had to be wrong!!! I called my husband in and said how many lines is this???

He was in shock I was even talking to him. Nonetheless had NO idea I even MIGHT be pregnant..... needless to say he was slightly confused… 

He said, "looks like two…" (long pause) 

"WAIT!!!....... WHAT!? Are you? Really? I thought…” then he got all excited with happy/teary eyes. (As I stared at him with disgust thinking urgh... why is he so gross??)

Of course I start googling if tests could be a false negative... then I took another one and same thing… I talked to my friend who is an ultra sound tech and she said it’s not very likely it's false especially if I missed my period and TWO tests had the same results. 

We made this card for Brads parents because he was SUPER excited and I was SUPER in shock... we couldn't keep it a secret until I went to see the doctor the following week….

(notice the "think")

Crazy right?? 

Maybe it is more so for me since I am sitting here writing this and feeling these little kicks going on inside me. It feels like just yesterday we were thinking our family of 3 was it, enrolling Wyatt in an expensive preschool, and writing in our christmas card about all the goals we have set for this year like going to Disney World.... well plans changed on us pretty quick there!

Conclusion: 

I believe in God and STRONGLY believe he has played a HUGE role in giving us this little girl to love and cherish...

I believe God answers prayers and he probably had a pretty hard time resisting Wyatt's relentless prayers for a little sister... hence why it happens to be a girl!

BUT I also believe that Brad and I must've been missing an essential vitamin or mineral that helped tie this all together. 

I have always believed (and until proven differently, will always believe) that your nutrition plays a VITAL role in ALL aspects of your life. For us, I think taking in the vitamins (and Brad his probiotic) filled a void in one of us and then everything just happened to click with perfect timing in Gods hands.

And Yes I promise it's Brad's child... I mean after all it only takes one sperm to do the job.... and this one snuck out of there!

Cannot wait to meet her in 15 weeks or a little less (hopefully!!!)

Bump is really poppin at 22ish weeks here! (I need an updated one now that I'm 25 weeks this week) 

Until next time... (soon! as I've also been getting questions about working out while pregnant so am composing some fun stuff for ya'll!)

Keep yourself Healthy, Fit and Fabulous! (and take your vitamins!)

~Lallenia

Bringing in the new year wasted....

Bringing in the new year wasted.... well kind of....

HAPPY NEW YEARS EVE!!!!!!!!!!

Haha.... oh how i remember those days (although I cannot recall if I danced on the table ever but I am sure if I did my girlfriends will let me know!).... and it's silly those days don't really exist as much just because I am older with a husband and son. I'm not saying I should go out, get drunk and take my clothes off...  then hop up on the pool table by any means... don't get me wrong here (as long as I don't get too much champagne we should be able to avoid this).

What I AM saying is have you noticed that so many people get so wrapped up in the stresses of life that it consumes them?

They don't know how to have fun anymore and be grateful for what they DO have. We are always pushing to buy more THINGS, wish our lives we like someone else's and consume more (trash) from media (which is probably the reason for us always wanting more or thinking our life isn't the best ever). I know I'm guilty of all this.

I feel as if sometimes we forget the little things in life are the reason we are alive and can truly LIVE and LOVE and LAUGH.

One thing I am learning in my life is if you cannot be grateful and appreciate what you have you will never be happy with anything you get.

Have you ever just laughed at something because that''s all you can do to keep from crying?

That's my life right now.

If you've followed my blog and know me (lucky you!) you know I have had 2 shoulder surgeries so far on my shoulder from 2010 when I slipped and fell on someones sweat while teaching how to do a bear crawl during one of my bootcamps (oh how I miss them!!).

My shoulder has not recovered very well at ALL. And being an active person that thrives off of working out and moving a lot ... this has been a hard pill to swallow... (especially those pain killers!)

I don't do well sitting all day or not being able to go hard at the gym. It's extremely hard for me to wrap my brain around the fact that "hey guess what you have a limitation and need to be cautious Lallenia."

Today as so many people are getting ready to drink champagne and dance on tables celebrating the New Year... I will be celebrating in my recliner & drinking down (medical) drugs... I'm sure by the end of the night i will imagine them looking like this....

I have to get yet ANOTHER  surgery done for my shoulder.... well this time its more so my bicep. I went in for a second opinion and found out my bicep has been the cause of my shoulder not healing so I asked for the first date available to get it over with.... Why not bring in the new year all drugged up... =D

Normally I'd be super depressed, upset and annoyed but this time I have honestly just had to laugh it off and be light hearted about it as I know the drill (pretty freaking well) by now and I've lived just fine this past year without working out as much as i want to... yes it's driving me BONKERS sometimes when I just want to lift heavy stuff and go sprinting on my hill.

I miss feeling strong physically and I miss the adrenalin working out gives me. But I am GRATEFUL I am able to get my shoulder taken care of and fixed without having to live the rest of my life in this pain. I am GRATEFUL it forces me to read so much and grow myself and our business. I am GRATEFUL for my friends and family who are there to support me and make me feel encouraged.

There are so many ways to view things in a negative light. This even ties in with your reflection in the mirror and the negatives you see in other people.

This quote I'm a little obsessed with right now because it really makes me think....

Instead of a resolution this year I am going to be writing EVERY night into this little journal (Target $1) what i am grateful for.

No one will remember you by the car you drive or the clothes you wore.... they will remember you by your ability to laugh at yourself and life when it doesn't go the way you want it to and if you were there when they needed a shoulder to cry on...

My hopes by sharing me new years plans is to let you know that even if you have to start the new year out in a less than ideal situation.... there is ALWAYS a way to look at it in a positive light. My hopes is also that more people will start a grateful journal instead of making crazy resolutions that aren't always feasible. When you live your life with a grateful heart the world will give you more things to be grateful about.

I know I've said this before but I TRULY believing 2015 will be one of the best years of my life and will be the year I am choosing to live it with a grateful heart. My wish is you will CHOOSE to do the same!!

I adore you ALL!!!!

Thank you for being apart of my story!

Keep yourself Healthy, Fit and FABULOUS always,

*Lallenia*

XoXo

Results from the challenge... FINALLY!

Results from my 21 day (almost no) processed sugar detox--

I went about 2 weeks of keeping a log of my food. I didn't post everyday... (obviously) but I DID go 19 days with (almost) no processed sugar!!!! (Boom!)

(if you are new (HIIII!!!!!) feel free to check out my blog post here to understand what I am chatting about)

I lost about 4lbs in those 19 days and didn't feel so bloated.....I felt ok.... not crazy amazing like I was hoping.... I mean, I, like 95% of everyone else, REALLY thought... ok THIS is it Lallenia... you're going to cut out sugar and never crave it again.... boy was I wrong. I did take before pictures... not after so it would be pointless as it's been well over  a week since it ended... although I do feel like i have kept the 4lbs off and maybe even lost a few more... I don't feel like taking a picture right now though... sorry charlie!

I still ate 3 pieces of pie on Thanksgiving and wished there was ice cream there and brownies. I still thought about eating sweets all the time and legitimately craved them...

This was really annoying to me... I still craved sugar (hence while I only lasted 19 days not 21). I broke by eating a cookie at an appointment for my son... It wasn't worth it... made me SO mad.

I wouldn't say I failed at this challenge by any means.... the blogging.. yes failed at doing that everyday. (got a F on that report card) The challenge opened my eyes to do more research on what it will take to help MY body not crave sugar, be in the best shape physically and more importantly mentally. I am going on a new journey in my life and I know a one size doesn't fit all.

I am realizing working out in the early morning is really what I need to do. I tried to convince myself to workout at night or even later morning.... It's not the same. If I don't MOVE first thing when I wake up I get wrapped up in my work, a book or learning material and then it's time to pick up my son from preschool. I have ALWAYS been a morning workout person I don't know why I try to change it. I can totally workout twice a day but if I don't sweat in the early AM I'm not that nice of a person the rest of the day.... true story.

YES!

So where have I been you ask? Well honestly, I have been engrossing myself into business development and entrepreneurship (even though I still have to spell check that word every time!!)  and I LOVE, LOVE IT!! Along with marketing (my fav!). I can't believe how much I love learning about all this as it's not directed with my passion in the health and fitness world.

Don't get all mad and quit reading because you think  I don't like the health and fitness world... completely the opposite. Part of the reason I have not blogged is because I have been a little confused as to weather I should pursue my health and fitness passion and what would I do with that.... or if I should pursue a next adventure we are looking at with Big Birge Plumbing and my husband.... I have been researching and planning like crazy! I am wanting to do both somehow...

Not to mention I have been working on a fun holiday video for you all from my husband and I..... we film on monday.... (you heard it first here) and no I'm not telling you what it is. You'll just have to find out and if you know.... lips sealed please ;-)

Anyways I have had this blog on my to do list for 3 weeks now. I know this one isn't as fun of a blog as others have been.. I'm sorry! It is getting late and I am tired but I am sick of putting it off as I have been getting several requests asking me about it.

One of my goals for next year is to keep up on my blogging and I have already laid much of it all out. I needed a plan in place which is why I sucked at keeping up with it for the challenge.

I am in the process of writing out all my goals (not resolutions) for 2015 and planning out how I will get each one of them.... It is pretty liberating actually writing your goals on paper and then reversing how you will reach them. I have a feeling 2015 will be my best year yet! I can feel it!

Try it out with me!! Get out a journal and write down what you want to accomplish for 2015 in areas of your life. Then figure out how you will accomplish it by reversing it. Basically you tear it apart until you have figured out EXACTLY how you are going to reach that goal. Meaning looking at it from all angles so you have NO excuses of why you can't reach it. It will lay out a map for you basically on how to get there and how to overcome those objectives.

Sounds like fun right!? It is but it's hard to do it! I'm still learning

Oh yes!!! Remember the Nerium lotion my girlfriend from Cheyenne had me test out.... here are my results after 3 days of using it.... red nose gone.

I really enjoyed the night time stuff... it kind of smells and feels like a mushy banana.... thats weird isn't it? But it was fun to rub all over my face!.... thats weird too.. I'm sleepy give me a break! Anyways I may be having this on my Christmas list as I could tell a difference in my skin and I didn't break out which is a HUGE bonus as I break out to everything!

Ok folks.... If you're reading this for the first time... I'd like to think I'm not normally this boring... go read another one of my blogs then get back to me don't judge me just from this one (pretty please).

 I just feel so bad I still have yet to tell you how the challenge went. Recap: Down 4lbs and not as bloated. Good stuff but feel like it didn't do what i wanted it to which was take away my cravings. (back to the drawing board)

I am not sure I will be blogging before Christmas as we have adopted 3 families (two have 7 kids one has 4) so I will be playing Santa for them and getting my own families stuff ready. Please keep your eyes peeled for our Holiday video. and if I think of other cool stuff I want to share I'm sure i will post on my instagram account and Facebook as thats always quick and easy. =)

Did you see the post yesterday about my husband telling me I have smiling eyes?? He meant it in a sweet way and I didn't realize it until all my peeps pointed it out to me via social media... it was pretty cute I guess... but all I could think of was this:

creepy right????? 

I will catch you soon... really I promise! It may be after Christmas and  I may be moving to a new site but I will post here where I am first.... I really think you'll like what I have up my sleeve for 2015... so stay tuned!!!

Love you all! (thanks for your patience with me!)
Good Night!!!
XoXo,
Keep yourself Healthy, Fit and Fabulous always!

*Lallenia*

The Crazy Ex-Girlfriend....

Didn't I tell you in my last post it was hard to blog everyday?? 

It is... especially when your husband introduces you to Clash of Clans....... (stop laughing at me)

Now normally I am not a big TV watcher or video game player as it annoys the crap out of me and I feel like I'm wasting my life away.....

Last week I noticed my husband was on his phone more than usual (as he's normally only on it for business if people call or text). He doesn't have a Facebook account and never uses the business Instagram (even though I tell him he needs too!) 

I was feeling a little curious suspicious.... you know like the crazy girlfriend who has to know all your passwords to everything so she can check on you to make sure you aren't cheating on her right? 

Like you've never been (or had) one of those....

I didn't think my husband was cheating on me and I didn't go through his phone... I've learned from past relationships if that's something I feel I have to do he probably was is... 

Nope. I didn't go all crazy ex-girlfriend style on him (that never really panned out for me)... I simply asked what he was doing ... 

seriously... who knew talking to a guy at a normal level actually works??? (therapy must be working) 

Convo: 

Me, "Hi honey.... so what exactly are you doing on your phone all the time lately?"

Juuuuuuust kidding!!.... I REALLY said in a annoyed tone, "Why are you wasting so much time on your phone?"

His eyes lit up as he showed me the game and how awesome his village is.

I rolled my eyes and said, "you know how much stuff we could get done in the Smart Success course we are taking if you stopped wasting your time on that silly stupid game??"

A few days later he was talking about this “clan” he and some of the guys from the Big Birge Plumbing Team were in… I was feeling left out. A few days ago I decided to download it just to see what all the fuss was about.  

Then he told me our foreman said I should join their clan jokingly. Knowing I probably wouldn’t… I wanted to surprise them and join their clan so I could fit in. So I figured out how to do it and how it worked…. 

Worst. Mistake. EVER!

 As I am writing this I am nervous someone is going to “attack” my village and steal my gold!! (sigh)

I got sucked in. 

I'm embarrassed by it because it's not at all productive in any way. Although my husband will argue that, 

"It's like building our business baby. I mean look.... when you get money you upgrade your stuff and train your team to be better. Then you have to build back up again after you spend it... the cycle goes on. So one day we will have a nice big shop with the best plumbing team in Omaha if we keep investing in them." 

I guess he kind of has a point but I sure do hope we don't get attacked by other "villages" and they destroy everything we've built..... 

Anyways so yeah... that's where my blog writing time has been spent....... I'm sorry I feel like I've been cheating on you. Just for the record as soon as I am done writing this post I will be deleting that app off my phone because, as with SUGAR, it's a toxin in my life and it's taking away from things I REALLY want and need to be doing to make my dreams a reality.

As you know if you've been following me (start here if you'd like) I've been doing a 21 day (almost) no processed sugar... normally I will post my meals for the day and chit chat about whatever comes out of my head. 

I just want you to know I have NOT ventured to eating sugar these past 4 days and haven't gone off my challenge... (yay! be proud!) I am not going to post my food today though (maybe next time).


**WARNING** This might get a little mushy and personal from here out. The reason I share all this with you is because I realize how fake and unrealistic the world is (says the girl whose photoshopped face is on the side of her husbands plumbing truck right? stop it! it's marketing and fun!) I'd like to be real with you in hopes not only does it bring value to you but also, maybe someone, somewhere is reading this and they need to know they are not alone in life or in their feelings. 

Back to the crazy ex-girlfriend..... so as you found out last week in this blog... I went to my first counseling session to explore EMDR type of therapy with my husband...

I had my 2nd appointment this past week (remember I'm more crazy than he is)... it made me realize.....I really was a crazy girlfriend at one point in my life (So that would make me the crazy ex-girlfriend right?). 

haha.... yes I remember these days. 

Not just in boy/girl relationships but also in other relationships as well. I wont go into details but I WILL say I didn't realize it at the time... 

Yes I DO realize I was young, it was NOT all my fault (by any means).... a relationship takes 2 people wanting & working to be together. 

I also realize I clearly wasn't supposed to be with these people. As they were brought into my life as leverage to bring me to where I am today and where they belong as well. Now I have this amazing beautiful life I never imagined I'd ever have or believed I deserved. 

Natasha Barker Photography 

You may be wondering where on earth I am going with this...

This sounds so cliche  but everything happens for a reason....seriously you HAVE got to look at your life this way. 

My last appointment opened my eyes to realize I pushed (and still do) so many people away because of all the abuse I had in my younger years (My parents did the best they could. I do not blame any of this on them anymore. Most all of this happened outside of their control in and out of foster homes.)

I didn't believe I deserved to be loved, I didn't believe I deserved to be successful, I didn't believe I was good enough. I wasn't happy with myself. 

I ended up with an eating disorder and an attachment disorder. I wasn't happy with who I was.. I tried so hard to be but I didn't know how. I had this little girl inside me trying to get out so as i have gotten older my little girl comes out into my thoughts and feelings of anxiousness, self doubt and fear. 

This last session also made me realize that is why so many relationships I wanted so bad to succeed did not ... not just because they weren't right for me but also because I wasn't happy with myself. That shows... even if you're really good at hiding it it will eventually come out. 

You cannot be happy with anyone else if you are not happy with yourself.

Side note: I like to think I came up with this quote because I googled it and it hasn't been deemed yet... there are others similar but not word for word.... you know what this means right?

TWEETABLE! @Lallenia #Lallenia Yeah buddy!! (do it!)

Being happy with yourself is something that is a struggle for millions of people. I am starting to realize this is a choice. No one makes you happy but you. No matter what life you have been through, how much money you have and how many friends. 

People can make you feel happy when you're around them and material things can make you feel better about yourself but in the end it is your choice. If you struggle with this... go find help and don't give up if you don't mesh with the first person or thing you try. 

This is the reason I workout, try my hardest to eat healthier and now go to therapy is because these are things I can control in my life and they help to make me happier and a better person. I feel strong and capable when I make healthy choices mentally and physically. 

Also remember that everything you go through is for a reason. You may not think so at the time and it may be really hard and a HUGE struggle but I promise you it will lead you to where you need to be and who you need to be with.... and with a story to tell along the way =) Everyone has a story. 

This is just a snip of my story I shared today in hopes it will help someone who maybe is that crazy girlfriend (or boyfriend) or there is something inside you feeling anxious or self doubt...... take a deep breath, get in your "happy" place and realize You cannot be happy with anyone else if you are not happy with yourself. 

Go out there take chances, make mistakes, don't be afraid to be yourself. Don't be afraid to fail. 

Also if you see a young person or child who looks alone in the world and sad.... tell them they are beautiful, smart and important.. That they are placed on this earth because they are very special. These words (even if from a stranger) will stick in their head and help them believe they were put on this earth for a reason. It will help them not to give up or get sucked into the life they were given.... trust me I know this as I am one of those children.

Thanks for reading and remember to always keep yourself happy (healthy), fit, and fabulous!!

Love you!

XoXo

*Lallenia*