In Shock!!

WOW!

What a whirlwind this past week has been!!!!!!!

I’m still feeling a little crazy in my head…. Ok well not as crazy and cloudy as the past week since I am now eating more food too much food…

I must say as much as I was dreading/scared/nervous going into this big day I am sure glad it’s over I DID IT!!!!!!!

This past week made me really question WHY on earth am I doing this? I want people to learn how to be healthy, feel great, have energy, take care of themselves and LOVE who THEY are not what society thinks they should be… I was going to tell you this was the exact opposite but now that I have seen it first hand, its not.

 I have learned to appreciate my body and respect myself more than I ever have. HAHA. Who would’ve thought walking around in a bikini, huge heels and all done up could do that to me?????

Lets start from the beginning of the week. As you know if you’ve been keeping tabs on me, last week I didn’t get great results from some issues I was having with my eating disorder. (remember my running, binging and purging?? That doesn’t get results…. I will bang this in your head until you believe me!!!!!!) It turns out that all that craziness was VERY hormonal and I had a little friend who decided to come say hi to me 5 days before my show…. I was not a happy camper!!!

 Considering that I  decided to make bad decisions and not stay on my diet as well as i could i was in crunch time and had to REALLY cut out a lot of carbs to look like i belonged on stage. (which was my goal). It doesn't have to  SHOUDL NOT be done like this... lesson learned. 

I had headaches a lot, my energy was low, I couldn’t sleep well. I didn’t feel as if I was taking care of myself mentally or physically and I did NOT love myself very much.  EVERYDAY I would pick at my body and look in the mirror every 5 min to see if anything changed. It was crazy! I would beat myself up over the fact that I don’t have shredded abs or more definition in my back and shoulders. I was short tempered with my family and friends... not a fun week but I could have avoided it had I not dipped into old habits the week prior.

This is interesting.....

 I took pictures of my bloated stomach for 6 days in a row from Sunday til Thursday.... it was amusing how I could tell what I was eating was affecting me. at the top was the day my period (& after i had my binge freak outs) then towards the bottom was 2 days before my show, right when i started cutting water. Such a huge difference really cleaning up the diet can do! 

Leans meats, avocados and veggies worked wonders in a week! 

I made sure i packed all my meals up to the day of the competition.... then i placed all my meals in bags and labeled the day it was for.... haha classy right?? 

Hey it worked!!!! My BEST results have come when i packed my meals and ONLY ate what I packed....perfect! 

Not only was my diet changed I also had to step up my cardio a bit.... so lots of slow cardio so I did not burn any more muscle bit could lose a little more fat. 

I hated it. 

Now that we see what my week prior to the show consisted of..... lots of lean meats, asparagus, and some avocados here and there.... oh and stupid slow cardio.....

 I have been getting LOTS of questions about the day before and day of the show..... So lets go ahead dig into it!!! (grab some coffee or tea and some cocoa almonds to snack on...yummy!)

Thursday: 

Wake up to teach my AMAZING boot camp class... I was pretty low on energy but thank goodness they understood! 

I started cutting back on water (instead of 2 gallons I drank a 1/2 of one). I also took some dandelion root and this stuff called xpel. These are diuretics to help lose WATER weight... nothing else. Yes it made me feel better taking them because of my period and bloat BUT it's not something one should take just because. If you chose to take any kind of supplement DO YOUR RESEARCH first PLEASE!!!!!! This stuff can be scary. 

Picked up my cousin Cassidy (she kept me sane!). She went with me for my polygraph test..... that was sure weird....(Do I look like I'm on steroids??)  She then helped me go to the store to get nails to clip on.... hahahaha I'm classy I know. Also I needed to get little things like Vaseline for my teeth... (WHAT?) Apparently it keeps your teeth from sticking when you smile. We picked up some eyelashes.... haha I got these HUGE ones thinking they would look better on stage and needed to be dramatic... yeah not so much..... 

Don't worry my girlfriend saved me from these ....this picture cracks me up!

I picked up my "sister" (pretty much) from the airport and we hung out the rest of the day. Went to the park with my little man and on a LONG walk (so I didn't eat anything). 

Aren't they so cute??!

Friday:

I wake up Friday and had FULL intentions of getting my body fat checked and my final measurements but the morning was a little crazy. Ok not really.  I was being lazy and tired. Then when I mustered up the energy to shower I had to shave my ENTIRE body before my tan..... so odd. After tanning i was going to go but I was exhausted, light headed, and looked REALLY scary (see below).....Needless to say I was bummed I didn't get my final measurements. 

I got my tan from a beautiful woman named Tina, from Simply Gorgeous (AWESOME gal!!!!!). Whew.... modesty was GONE this weekend! Here I am BUTT naked with a gal spraying me down and i am trying so hard to NOT giggle, it was cold and tickled! 

don't you love this??

One of my BFF's (miss Aundrea) came with me (she took my pic!) so it was a little more fun... In the drying room, here I am naked, prancing around practicing my posing while my tan is drying... Highly entertaining! No worries.... it was just us two! (Thank goodness for girlfriends like her to keep me entertained!) 

During the process I get a call from edible arrangements about a delivery at my door, but they left it at my neighbors since i was gone. EEEEEK. It was really funny because Aundrea was actually ordering me one at the SAME time they called me!! (she cancelled hers & decided to give me something a little bit more risky AFTER my judging was over.)

We get back to my house and little Aundrea goes over to see if my neighbor was home so she could take the fruit with her because I only have ONE day left and those little things can affect my progress if I give in.. and we all know my struggles with my eating disorder.

My neighbor was not home, until after Aundrea left.... ahhhhhh. So she came over and gave it to me after looking at me like i was crazy from my skin color, baggy clothe and lack of energy. 

I tried SO hard to not open it..... but no one was around me..... so I did! it was beautiful! So sweet of my sister in law! I tried so hard to just put it away... but I may have had one or two bites pieces. Hey now... that's it. I could've eaten the whole box... I wanted to SO BAD! I then had to leave or I would have.

yummy!!!!!!

I go check in for the show then go hang out with Shannon, her parents and my little man at their hotel. They fed me steak! YUMMY! So much better than the cold mahi mahi I was eating for days. I also ate a few bites of Wyatt's mashed potatoes..... eeeek. So good!

I then go back for another tan (I have sensitive skin and am a Blondie so i needed to be darker). Did I tell you I was unable to wear deodorant these days? (STINKY!!!!!)

Saturday.... SHOW DAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I couldn't sleep... like at all. From getting up to pee every 10 minutes to my nerves... I was up at 3am.

I seriously kept walking through my T-walk in my head over and over. I was too tired to try to pose in heels that early! So then at 5am I pack my bags with my suit, heels and sweat pants, grab my coffee, red wine... (yes i brought some wine), rice cakes, honey, PB, and dixie cups... (to pee in.... yep to pee in lol) then head out to get my hair and make up done at 6am with Dani at Boss Studios.

Leave from there at 7am. Arrive for our meeting at the Orpheum at 730am.

I was feeling so odd at this point. Due to lack of water, food, tan, makeup, hair, OHMYGOODNESS! I was feeling a little insane. This text cracks me up.....

Clearly i wasn't feeling like myself.....

After the meeting we go back stage to get ready. I STILL had not put on my nails AND needed to change my lashes. Aundrea came to my rescue AGAIN! 

The locker rooms were FULL of guys and girls that smelled horrible from all that tanning, protein farts, and hair spray. Everyone was eating rice cakes and honey or candy (so much candy backstage), and was practicing their walks and posing in the mirrors. Modesty was definitely NOT in the category here. No one really cared, after all it was all about you here.... 

I met some pretty incredible people with AMAZING fitness journeys that got them up on that stage. 

She's gorg!

This gal Caitlin lost over 30lbs to step on stage... she looks AMAZING!

I really went into this just wanting to LOOK like i belonged. I was not doing this to win because honestly i didn't think i would even place. I thought it would be cool if i did but I always under estimate myself. This is due to my self image and eating disorder I am sure. Not to mention I've never had anyone (that wasn't saying it for alternative reasons) tell me I was worth it growing up and that i was beautiful (until my hubby of course!!!)

This quote and bible verse was playing over and over in my head the whole day to give me confidence when I felt like I had none:

 "For the LORD will be your confidence,

And will keep your foot from being caught."

Proverbs 3:26 

I was entirely out of my comfort zone. Thank goodness I'm pretty adaptable! 

We go on stage and have to pose for a front view and a back view. The judges then place us in their judging criteria. I was entered into 2 shows so i had to get up their two times next to a different set of girls. It was hard because you have to pop you butt WAY out but cannot look "unrefined."

Then you have to SMILE and NOT move. One time the judges asked to to stick out my butt more and I remember thinking.... "DUDE I can't get it out any farther!!!!" I guess I needed to point my toe more... oh heck. I was all confused! Heres a couple shots from front and back.... I'm in middle with blue suit on. 

2nd from right

3rd from left

After ALL that we get a little break so we go to Blue Sushi where i ate ONE cali roll... with NO sodium and a glass of red wine... I NEEDED more wine!!!! 

NIGHT SHOW!!!

Little did i know that ALL the pre judging would be done at the first show during our posing next  to the other girls or I would've REALLY practiced these more than my walk!!!!  I was kind of upset I was so worried about my T-Walk. I started to get nervous and then was given a little "shot" of confidence from some awesome friends!!

TIme for my T-walk...... hahahahaha OH BOY! I was a little faster than I wanted and a bit akward with the sassy kicks.... but hey... I DID IT WITHOUT FALLING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Heres the video...... it's ok... you can laugh... I still am laughing it.

When it came time for the call outs for the USA Pro-Qualifier I was standing backstage and thinking after seeing all these beautiful ladies... it's ok if i do not place, I got up on stage, went out of my comfort zone and did it. It's over and I know I overcame SO much in the process. I was feeling proud that i even had the courage to do this & put myself on the line.

The judges start calling out the numbers (in no particular order) and there were 4 girls out there then the judge said and number 77, Lallenia Birge. 

I just stood there. 

No way! 

I remember I shook my head like that's not right. One of the girls nudged me to the stage. I was seriously shocked. Then when he called out the places... I wasn't even 5th! I was 4th!!! CRAZY. 

Then we had to wait around for the Bluffs Classic awards. There were more girls in this show so I for sure thought I wasn't going to place AGAIN. So.... I ate TWO GiGi's Cupcakes!!!!!! (SOOOOOOOO DELISH!!!!!) 

Yes! Thats Aundrea & I  eating those cupcakes!
haha and I have my hubbys Flannel on cute right? =)

Anyways SO we go back to waiting for the Bluff's Awards while all this food is settling in my tummy....Then i hear my name AGAIN!! EEEKK.... suck it in Lallenia! 

I was placed 3rd!!!!!!!!!! What??? I couldn't BELIEVE IT! I even got a trophy!!!!!

This was given to me to eat AFTER  the show... how cute huh???

Besides:
- Winning the trophy and medal,
- Being able to eat food again,
-Learning more about myself then I ever thought possible,
- Testing my discipline,
- Going out of my comfort zone entirely
- Learning that I need to find a balance in my life...

The BEST thing from this WHOLE experience to me.....was seeing the look in my husbands eyes telling me how proud he was of me. That overwhelming look of love, pride and those words meant more to me than anything in the world. He was SO proud of me and excited for me I couldn't believe it.

He placed this on our mantle next to his little football game trophy!

Someone REALLY loves me even if it was a crazy, inconvenient, and extra expense on us in many ways. He stood by me and was so proud of me.... I mean he has had this look when we had our little boy, and when we got married but to see how honest and proud he was of me for something that I accomplished was so amazing to me. SO if you're a parent, wife, friend, sister, brother, husband don't underestimate the words I'm proud of you, when you truly mean it and say it with sincerity. I have tears in my eyes just thinking writing about it.

I am so happy I did this and so very grateful to all of you who helped me through and believed in me this whole time. I didn't expect the outcome to be as rewarding and insiring as it has been. Nor did I realize how many people i've inspired and helped along my journey. I have gotten so much positive feedback from everything that I am still blown away!

Many people are asking if this means i will do another one..... I might. I guess we will see. If I do i will have to get my midsection leaner for sure to place higher. But I need to simplify my life right now and get myself and my family back in order before I make any definite decisions.

 I have so much more i want to tell you about these past couple days AFTER the show but will save that for my next blog. Again THANK YOU to my supporters and people who have me in their best interest and prayers!

Keep yourself Healthy, Fit, and Fabulous!!

*Lallenia*